Paul: What’s Up With All The D-Bags in Kilts???


…this “trend” has got to stop

I am not sure if this is a problem in other cities, but around here I keep seeing stupid white guys walking around in kilts… with no sense of irony! Perhaps it is a Portland problem because we have an over-abundance of white people. I don’t imagine this being an issue in a place like Detroit. These morons would be justifiably heckled.

I’m not saying I have a promplem with men wearing skirts or dresses if they fit nicely and look good, but kilts are so fug! If you’re a man who looks pretty in a dress people will still want to fuck you, but if you go out looking like the guys above people will just think you’re a stupid asshole. What are these people thinking??? Just because it was theoretically normal at some point in Scotland doesn’t mean you can do it here. And I don’t care how strong your Scotish roots are. You don’t see Japanese Americans walking around in kimonos just for the hell of it.

I understand that some people are fashion-retarded and have no clue what looks good, but opting for a kilt over ill-fitting jeans or sweat pants shows that you’re really thinking about it and still look like shit.

p.s. we’re quitting smoking (again), so I am feeling extra bitchy today. Still, I think I’m spot-on here.


5 Responses to “Paul: What’s Up With All The D-Bags in Kilts???”

  1. 1 The Bearded Traveler
    September 12, 2008 at 9:24 pm

    I don’t like those kilts… but I like kilts!
    It’s got to be tartan, and it’s got to have a big, fuzzy sporran.
    Anyway….. I want one…. but like I said, tartan.

    I dunno what’s the deal with dull-uni-colored ones. I guess they think
    it looks “tougher.”

  2. 2 Ruthie
    September 16, 2008 at 6:02 pm

    Hey Utilikilts are totes awesome. They are like *sooo* useful. That said, they still look better on girls.

  3. September 18, 2008 at 7:31 am

    You take a skirt and make it look like cargo pants, it’s just going to be dumb. Also, you have to wear things that go with the skirt. You can’t just wear white tube socks and a tucked-in t-shirt. Although, when I think about it, I can’t imagine a single scenario where a kilt would seem fashionable. But maybe that’s because right now, pleated skirts are very four years ago. Maybe just keep wearing it, and it will come back. And then you’ll be the Very First One.


  4. 4 Leslie
    September 20, 2008 at 3:10 pm

    I couldn’t agree with you more. I saw one of these utilikilt wearers just last week walking down Hawthorne. I wanted to throw fruit at him.

  5. September 24, 2008 at 10:48 am

    I’m a 20-something girl who works right down the street from Utilikilt HQ in Seattle, WA…and I’m into it. As a Utilikilter once told me while riding the bus, “You never meet a stranger in a utilikilt.” Workers at this store also call non-kilters “pants-loving wimps” when asked by prospective customers–spunky and funny. I guess I just support utilitarian dressing, and if that means a kilt, so be it. How practical are super-tight pants and eye-covering hipster haircuts, anyway?

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