Jon: Urban Outfitters Don’ts…

I thought I’d take a cue from one of my favorite fashion blogs, Rip It to Shreads, and offer some of my thoughts on a few of the more *ahem* unfortunate selections available at Urban Outfitters. For the most part, the menswear at Urban falls into two categories: a.) cute and poorly made   b.)boring/bro-tastic and poorly made. Unlike the women’s apparel so regularly made fun of at R.I.T.S., there isn’t much to say about most of it. It is all kind of “meh”. The following examples definetly take it to the next level of crap-tastical though and deserve to be commented on. For your consideration:

Patagonia Snap Pullover


When I saw that Urban Outfitters had teamed up with Patagonia to produce an exclusive collection, I was a little excited. Patagonia has always been one of my favorites in regards to fashionable utililitarianism. When I saw the actual outcome of this union though, I threw up just a little bit.


I can’t believe they are re-issueing those atrocious half-zip (manly) pastel fleece pull overs from the early 90’s. These were maybe the ugliest moment in quality outdoors-wear history. I know that Urban Outfitters is riding high on the whole early 90’s rivival, but not everything from the era needs to be given a second life. Not to mention that these can easily be found at ANY goodwill for $12.99. Gross. Super Gross.

Insight Blunt Time Check Shirt


Speaking of 90’s rivivalism, here is a little number from (usually tasteful and modern) label Insight. I own a couple of pieces from them and have always appreciated the level of fashion they usually offer for such a reasonable price point. This rodeo shirt does not make the cut for me though. Sure, it is handsome enough in that straight-boy-who-usually-doesn’t-care-about-clothes-but-has-a-fashionable-and-sensitive-girlfriend-who-just-wants-him-to-try-a-little kind of way. But why pay $60 for a flannel that looks like it is from the Lobo Lounge (Roseanne referance uh-ow!) when, much like the Patagonia number above, it can literally be bought for $5 at ANY thrift store in America.

Mar Co Operative Heavy Vintage Jeans


Seriously? Shit looks like it is from the International Male Catalog…. Placket front pockets don’t ever look good on anyone! Unless you are going for that whole “gay Italian stripper living in New Jersey” look, then these are perfect.

Brown Sound Borrowed Jacket


I’ve noticed that a lot of men and women who want to appear to care about fashion (but who don’t actually know their McQueen’s from their Mossimo’s) have a habit of assuming that more equals better.

Not the case.

This jacket from Brown Sound is a perfect example. Between the epaulettes, the wierd (cheaply aligned) bias button re-inforcements, the puffy angled chest pockets and the overly contrasted plaid, I don’t know what to focus on! Maybe, just maybe, this jacket might work in a dark neutral like charcoal or black. But this just lookes like Paul Bunyan ate a couple of miltitary lumberjacks and shat them out onto a strung out hipster….


If you were to buy all four of these garments from Urban Outfitters, it would set you back a cool $406. How about I do you a favor? Instead of turding up your closet by buying these, just give me the money!

I can think of a certain pair of Opening Ceremony Woven Oxfords that would look quite nice in my closet….


4 Responses to “Jon: Urban Outfitters Don’ts…”

  1. 1 The Bearded Traveler
    November 15, 2008 at 11:13 pm

    I admit I like the LAST one… cuz it looks like something
    an English band might wear. Sort of Burberry but with some
    red (I’m not much into Burberry).

    The others, not much. The first one doesn’t look remotely
    fashionable at all. Just looks like regular hoser sweatshirt-wear.

  2. November 16, 2008 at 8:31 am

    Good call on all of this craptasticness. Especially the part about being able to get the same (or honestly, much better!) at Goodwill. Oh, Urban Outfitters, when will you learn? -the DCGF

  3. 3 embrownlowe
    November 16, 2008 at 9:01 pm

    i like the last one as well – but i agree, the colors are way too distracting!

  4. November 30, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    ha, that patagonia jacket! seriously, so much patagonia stuff actually is ALMOST cute in a sporty/pratical/our dads wore it in the early 80s way, so i also can’t believe THAT’S what they decided to reissue. speaking of which, i recently went to opening ceremony in nyc (their staff is totally bitchy) and they had all these fugly early 90’s, southwestern looking pendelton wool jackets that either were a reissue of some kind or i guess pendleton has been making stuff for so long that their styles are back in fashion.

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