Archive for December, 2008



This year has been a great year for music, art, fashion, film and definitely politics…all of which us gaycondo writers have detailed quite eloquently over the past 12 months.

However, like everything in life, there are a few things we have come across that are not welcome back in 2009…

Thanks, but no thanks!

5. Portland “Poster Child” Bands: You know who they are : local bands that have been repeatedly written about in the Portland local alternative weeklies (ie. The Builders and The Butchers, Starfucker, Nick Jaina, The Shaky Hands, etc)… I’ll tell ya, something fishy is going on when the same ole band gets written up every damn time they play – to the point of multiple notations in the same magazine! I get it: for some asinine reason people seem to think we should all equate these bands to “local indie king” status (where the hell are all the lady musicians, hmm?). Yeah, they may be good and put on a “hella” live show but there are tons of bands that rarely see ink on paper that totally deserve it (ie. Purple Rhinestone Eagle, Porchers, Felina’s Arrow, Slutty Hearts, Chores, Kusikia, Pink Widowers, Thee Headliners, just to name a few of many). What ever happened to the glory of the underdog?

beardyoungguy4. Beards on men under 30: Yeah, yeah….we are still in a war that rivals the stupidity of Viet Nam and have the psych-folk facial accessories to prove it! But seriously guys, save that scraggly unkempt hair mongle off your precious young face until you at least have written a novel or are too fucked up on bourbon to shave safely. Luckily for me, I’m a lesbian and don’t have to get the wrong kind of rug burn as we feverishly make out


3. The Bic Finger Mustache : I’m not exactly sure what the origin of this retarded fad is… but it’s never been cute and it’s never been funny. As Mr. T would say, “I pity the fool” who gets the finger-stache tattooed for all eternity.


2. Venues that RAPE bands of the door money : Dear venues that only have clientele as a result of live music and DJs,  Without said bands and DJs no one would come to your club!. Therefore, don’t fuck with the money the fans pay at the door to see their favorite band. Yeah, yeah…you need paid staff to run the door, sound, etc… So if you want to own a fucking venue without jousting your karma, pay the door person and sound person like a regular employee. Shouldn’t the door person be the venue’s responsibility to provide security for your club? Besides, musicians don’t get paid shit for their recorded work anymore, shouldn’t they get a little reimbursement for spending an hour of loading/unloading, setting up, performing, promoting and bringing a crowd to your venue and pretending to be grateful for the free PBR while their lushy friends drink up well drinks that cost $5 bucks a pop? What’s next? Will venues start billing the bands to cover the bartender’s wages?

80sdancenite1. 80’s dance nights: Mmkay folks… we are approaching nearly 30 years past the birth of a decade that never seems to go away… I remember being in high school (2000-2003) and hearing about 80’s dance nights.. I even attended a 1920’s themed New Years Eve party and between flapper girl inspired burlesque acts they were playing fucking Depeche Mode! WHEN WILL THE NOSTALGIA BE OVER FOR CHRISTSAKES?!



5. Republicans – This one goes without saying. I hate to say it, but in a way we owe George Bush our gratitude for completely destroying the grand old party. The Republicans have dug their own grave way than Democrats have won the country over. The last eight years are something nearly all of us would like to move past, and for that reason we can all be hopeful for a better future in 2009… And anything that might go wrong can easily be blamed on Bush and the Republicans. People are finally seeing the Republican Party for what it is – closed-minded, Southern, Fundamentalist, White-Supremacist, homophobic, and completely out of touch. All the more moderate and reasonable factions of the Party have jumped ship in the past few years.

mormon4. Mormons – I think that mormons have overstepped their boundaries a bit this year. Mitt Romney, that Twilight movie, Prop 8, the fucking Jonas Brothers… I don’t know if you’ve seen a list of mormon businesses to boycott, but it’s staggering how lengthy it is. I know I won’t be staying at any more Marriott Hotels, shopping at Albertson’s, or ordering any more lenses from 1-800-CONTACTS anymore.  They stirred this shit up and deserve whatever is coming to them… And if they want a fucking war with the gays, we’ll kick their magic underwear-clad asses anyday.



3. Closeted Celebs – Tom Cruise, Will Smith, John Travolta… Notice a pattern??? They’re all closet case fags, but they’re also all Scientologists. I don’t know why but the two seem to go hand in hand. I can understand wanting to fly under the radar 15 years ago, but it’s about to be 2000-effing-nine! And you aren’t fooling anyone! Take a hint from Clay Gayken and Michael Stipe, announcing your gayness on the cover of OK magazine garners a lot more attention than your so obviously contrived hetero-relationships.

2. Television – Let’s face it, the internet is slowly killing the television. I know a lot of people aren’t about to give up on tv, and some assholes are willing to spend thousands on a tv. Still, I really think as a form of media it’s on the outs. I would also like to include print media in that equation, but that would be painfully obvious. In this crap-tacular economy, frivolous expenses like the cable tv and newspaper subscription are the first to go. And who knows what’s going to happen with the impending digital switch. Cable used to be cool, back in the heyday of cable access. These days the costs just keep going up even as companies like Time Warner are nixing 19 Viacom channels, including Mtv, VH1, and Comedy Central.  Any show you want to watch can be found with minimal effort online, and you can watch it whenever you want with fewer or no commercials. Cable subscribers are total suckers.


trump1. Yuppie Douche-Bags  – In light of recent economic circumstances it conspicuous consumism just seems a bit inappropriated, doesn’t it? Paris Hilton just bought a $200,000 PINK Bentley. Doesn’t that make you just want to slap her??? I know I do. It seems like just recently everyone would shit their pants over $230 jeans, Hummers, and luxury condos (Gaycondo is in NE Portland, therefore doesn’t count). In 2009, that kind of shit is  sooooo over. If you are lucky enough to have money everyone is going to think you’re a fucking asshole if you flaunt it. Rich people are going to be increasingly villified, they’re the ones who got us into this whole mess anyway. If there is one thing we can be thankful for about this recession, it’s that the core issues and political focus has shifted from religion and “morality” to class and social justice. That and the sales are fucking kick ass right now.  


Jon: Drunk Jeff Goldblum…

Some genius figured out that if you slow down any video of Jeff Goldblum talking the resulting audio sounds like a (fucking hilarious) stereotypical drunken rant. Check it out…

via omgblog


Jon: The Strange Light of Photographer Noah Kalina….

For more pieces, check out Noah Kalina’s Website





Jon: Lanvin and Acne collaboration falls short…

 When I first heard about the upcoming Lanvin and Acne collaboration, I had very high hopes. Both labels have always had a very keen eye for the modernist urban dandy style that they so commonly send down the runway. Where they have largely differed in the past  though is in their over-all approach to the aesthetic; Acne choosing to explore a more blue collar mod look while Lanvin was more focused on ultra-chic socialite party clothes. The grey area between these two design choices, one would assume, would be something cleanly styled, but with an everyday wearability. Basically, something worth getting excited for and, dare I say it, maybe even saving up to buy.

Unfortunately, the actual end product looks like it is from the Gap’s Fall 2004 collection. Chambray shirt dresses?! Denim sweet heart tops?! Puffy shapeless choir girl shifts?! Not to mention those heinous wide leg mom gardening jeans…

I just don’t get it. Do the designers at Lanvin and Acne really think that this is the direction that fashion is taking?



Jon: New Jersey Gay Man Takes Down eHarmony…

Eric McKinley, a gay man living in New Jersey, won a recently settled legal battle with online matchmakers In 2005, McKinley filed a sexual discrimination lawsuit against the online dating service. It turns out that the $50 a month sevices provided by eHarmony are only available to heterosexualo clients. It also turns out that the company is owned by an evangelical christian conservative.

McKinley’s victory not only got him a $5ooo settlement, it has also legally forced eHarmony to create a gay online dating service if they wante to continue their $165 million a year business. Compatable Partners,  eHarmony’s yawn inducingly named new queer dating service, will premier in March of 2009.

The full story is available online from the Pasadena Weekly.

I have to admit that I have some what mixed feeling about this story. I am happy that a company that is clearly anti-queer is getting a legal sucker-punch, but I also think that this lawsuit impedes on the rights of the private sector in a way that is potentially dangerous.



Jon: Missoni Pre-Fall 2009…

Believe it or not, it is now time for many of the big fashion houses to debut their pre-fall 2009 collections. The images are slowly beginning to trickle onto the internet, and at this point it’s mostly only women’s wear that is available to view.

Unfortunately, so far there has not been much to be excited about. The vast majority of designers are sending models down the runway in boring, overly feminine, ruffley, hour-glass dresses that look as though they are torn from the pages of a pattern making 101 text book or maybe an Anthropologie calalog from 2004. I’m ok with feminine, but I hate hate hate women’s wear that has zero edge and looks like it is maybe most appropriate at a sweet sixteen party.

So far there has been only one shining star of the Pre-Fall collections, which for me has been a bit of a sleeper hit label. I have of course been aware of Missoni for several years now, but have never taken much notice of them until this season. I have always thought of them as “that brand with the zig-zag knit stuff and matching sweater sets…*yawn*”.
I absolutely love their new designs though. I think this is the perfect example of how looks can be designed with a wholly feminine aesthetic without pandering to some out dated sense of female fragility… Normally I mostly only fall head over heels for women’s wear that is a little dykey and is probably something I would wear if they made it in my size (I’m still waiting on those jodhpurs), but I can totally get behind designer Angela Missoni’s vision, even if it lacks the queer aesthetic I would normally hope for. 
Ranked below are my four favorite looks from the collection with a few thoughts on each:

1.) Omg. It’s like Rei Kawakubo and Jil Sander had a love-child and wrapped it in a Missoni blanket from 1996. I love the matching gloves and tights. Now all she needs is a creepy coordinating  knit bondage mask ( I kid, I kid…)

2.) That blouse is amazing. I love the way the graphic pattern just slightly does not allign along the front closures, creating a startling, seemingly mathematical effect. This theme is mimiced in the styling of the jacket and skirt, which is fantastic as well.

3.) Wierd hippie/flapper/tribal/star trek dress? Sure, why the hell not…

4.) Ok, yes, I agree… This one is styled just a smidge like it was torn from the pages of a Lucky magazine….but…it’s kind of…texture…you know?



Our friend Kayla has a fantastic new band called Pegatron that is fucking awesome! They even have a Christmas album which is gonna make yall spit your mulled wine out of your nose! Check it out!

Listen to their Homo version of “12 Days Of Christmas”″

pegatronListen to more of your favorites, including a rendition of Little Drummer Boy, Jingle Bell *Cock* Or some new winter classics that are bound to make you laugh out loud:

Double Dong
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
All I Want For Christmas
Artic Blast
Last Christmas
Tears For The Holiday
Little Drummer Boy
12 Days of Christmas
Jingel Bell Cock
Where are You Christmas?

Got any good leads?

gaycondo [at] yahoo [dot] com

We Are In A Band!

Ongoing Gaycondo Projects…

December 2008
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