Paul: Local Woman Shares Secret for how to survive end of the world…


 …Oh wait, she’s just a Jehovah’s Witness

The other day I opened my mail to find a hand written letter from a woman named Mrs. Helene Wesley addressed to Ms. Vanda Davidson. That’s my name, but I’m clearly not  a woman. There was also a flier for an upcoming seminar entitled How Can You Survive the End of the World? What disturbs me is that this all-day event is taking place three times at Memorial Coliseum from May 22-24. Memorial Coliseum is a pretty massive venue, I mean Barry Manilow played there, are there really enough people in Portland interested in this kind of shit to fill it up three times??? Also, the city owns Memorial Coliseum, shouldn’t they be a little more discerning about who they rent it out to? Anyway, here’s what the letter looks like:


I suppose this is better than her knocking on my door, but I have to wonder, who the fuck takes the time to send a hand written letter to a complete stranger? Obviously, someone who is bat-shit crazy! Since my job entails a lot of work with the mentally ill I contemplated sending her my business card.

I have never really dealt personally with a Jehovah’s Witness, but growing up in the South I have had my fair share of encounters with pathologically religous people. I can tell you that for the most part they are not very bright. Doesn’t she know that she could save herself a lot of time if she used a computer or photocopier? I picture her toiling away for hours on end writing these letters to people all over town and it makes me laugh.  If you care, here’s an instructional video about what Jehovah’s Witnesses are into:


7 Responses to “Paul: Local Woman Shares Secret for how to survive end of the world…”

  1. May 11, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    wow babe you are POP-U-LAR!

  2. 2 EM
    May 11, 2009 at 9:19 pm

    i can’t decide if that is a hilarious happening or a frightening circumstance

  3. 3 gaycondo
    May 12, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    The letter was ho-hum, but that cartoon is super rad!!! WOW!

  4. 4 Leslie
    May 15, 2009 at 2:53 pm

    Okay, although I think the cartoon is ridiculously awesome, I find it odd and sad that among the 144,000 (or so)Jehova individuals allowed in heaven, it appears that no one of black,hispanic,asian,indonesian,native americans are included in the final scene of this cartoon. I guess my Mexican ass is doomed. 😦 Oh well, maybe I can still get into another kind of heaven.

  5. 5 isaiah30v8
    May 30, 2009 at 10:38 am

    I think many households in predominantly Christian Nations do not openly welcome Jehovah’s Witnesses because their door to door ministry seems designed to mislead the housholder into beleiving the same lies that Satan told in the Garden of Eden.

    If you read the following newsletter you should see the parallels to the Edenic Sin:

    They really are like Satan dressed in a nice suit and tie knocking on your door!

    No wonder so many Nations have banned them!

  6. 6 Melissa
    September 22, 2009 at 5:15 am

    Why doesn’t she type it out and mass produce her letter? Because she got to count 15 minutes of “time” to write it to you…she has to spend 10-70 hours a month talking to people about the Bible…so she now only has 9 hours, 45 minutes to 69 hours 45 minutes to go!

  7. 7 Late2theDance
    September 22, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    this was pretty funny! In fact, the reason for the handwritten letter is the following. Jehovah’s Witnesses are mandated by the Watchtower, Inc. to spend X amount of hours each month preaching their message. Let’s say it takes Helene 30 minutes to write that one letter. That means 30 minutes she doesn’t have to spend knocking on people’s doors since it counts towards her monthly preaching quota. By writing several letters, she 1) stays in good in standing with the JWs by keeping “her hours” up and 2) can meet her quota by chilling at home writing letters. Been there, done that, lmao. If you think she did it out of concern for the person, then, nah, maybe 10% sincere feeling involved in that little letter writing venture. Great blog!

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