So it has come to my attention lately that it is trendy for middle class urban professional young people (“yuppies”, perhaps, if you will?) to kind of sheepishly make fun of themselves and their hobbies and lives and everything they love or think they should love or whatever? Ok, “lately” is the wrong word, it came to my attention about two years ago, but I have been too busy doing laundry and watching “30 Rock” for the past 24 months to write this blog entry until now.
Anyway! I am referring to, of course, the infamous Stuff White People Like but then also as a broader trend, like this blog that a friend recently sent me that’s all “We hate wine bars but where could we possibly go besides wine bars? My privilege is a cage waaaaa”, and there are tons more blogs like that. I feel just like there are a lot of blogs and jokes in general right now that are all like “Oops, I’m a conformist who likes medium expensive things! That’s my life, uh-oh, ha ha!”. I know it’s supposed to be mega post-ironic or whatever, but in these blogs and jokes, I hear a weird quiet resignation. Like, “Ha ha, yeah, my only hobbies ARE Whole Foods and Modest Mouse, you’re right, whoopsie! I have many things in my life that give the appearance of creative outlets, but I have no genuine creative outlets and I am rotting inside my own mind. This is my only life, ha ha.” I sense a feeling of shame in these jokes, but even worse, a sense of no options, as the jokes always seem to be made by the yuppies themselves, never by someone who has a really cool and exciting life that they are not disappointed by yet, because, jesus christ! People, we are in our twenties, how can you yuppies be disappointed by life already?? Get your act together, yuppies! No one is making you live your life so boringly that even you are making fun of it!
Also, yuppies, no one is making you believe all the other weird sentiments that I sense inside this family of humor, like the idea that there is only a little time in life to have fun when you are young, and then you get older and you have a family and babies, which are VERY IMPORTANT but also NO FUN and you need to trade FUN things for IMPORTANT things as you age or, I don’t know what happens, your dick falls off or something, I have no idea. I’ve just been hearing sentiments in that vein a lot lately: I had a cab driver on the way to the airport last month who was real chatty, and he was like ” Do you have any kids?” and I was like, “Aw man, fuck no, I’m too young for that shit!” and he was like “Ha ha, you’re really enjoying life, huh!” And then another time at work, this older woman co-worker of mine who is married and be-babied and stuff was like, “Enjoy life while you can.” And there is also, of course, every Judd Apatow film ever made (I have many words for Mr. Apatow and his weird vision of miserable compulsory heterosexuality, but that is a different blog entry). But anyway, both times people said those kind of things to me, in my head, I was like “Uh, I plan to always enjoy life because it is life! Wouldn’t it be scary to not enjoy life? Don’t you kind of want to kill yourself if you don’t enjoy life? I mean, really? ” I know this has gotten completely off topic, but it’s just been weirding me out lately–like, I just turned 27, which I guess in other parts of the country means people who have no business having any thoughts about your life think maybe you should be having a baby, but in New York City, it means people who have no business having any thoughts about your life think that maybe you should start thinking about getting married and get really desperate to move in with a partner and shit. That is so weird that that even exists as a phenomenon! Why would someone have nothing to talk to me about except things I don’t have, which they think I might want in the future? It is just so bizarre! Like, by that logic, why don’t we talk about a trip to Sweden or some nice 2004 Marc Jacobs dresses, things that I actually already want to have in the future? I feel like this “I’m a yuppie and I hate myself! Ha ha!” humor comes out of the same place as when people who clearly are miserable about their family life try to really strong-arm you into admitting that you want a family life, too. Also, I know people who say this kind of stuff would be like “That’s not what I meant by enjoy life! I like my life! It is just a different life than the carefree, hedonistic life of a person in their twenties!” Well, you know what, tough shit, people who say stuff to me that I later choose to deconstruct on the internet! Go write your own blog.
Anyway, this was all over the place, and I guess I don’t have a better overarching theme to unite this entry than: life is actually pretty short, so you should probably do things you enjoy, and not just hang around Whole Foods, listening to the Decemberists and having babies, because you can’t think of anything better to do. That is an ok thing to do if you want it! But please, everybody, make sure you really want it, and also don’t ever think you should stop enjoying life because there is only one life phase where you’re supposed to enjoy life, because that is just crazy talk. Hi, I’m a hippie. I’ll be gargling with some Dr. Bronner’s in the next room if you need me. Welcome to my blog entry! I love you all!