Jon and Paul: Vacation Extravaganza!


We’re back from out big fat Gay mexican cruise, and Portland queer cynicism aside, we had a fucking amazing time. We drank, we danced, we lounged by blue water oceans, made new friends, walked around in underwear with about 3000 homos, and ate more gross food than I care to admit.

By the way, did you know that there was a giant turd of a hurricane turding it up all over the Mexican Riviera this past week? There was. His name was Rick.  And guess where we were through it all? In a fucking hot tub drinking cocktails in the middle of a 30 foot wave ocean having a blast. At one point I set my drink down and…whoosh…. the over 100 mile per hour wind made it disappear. It was, to say the least, surreal.

To get an idea of what we were getting drunk in dealing with, here is a video from youtube of some other faggots from the boat walking up on deck with hurricane Rick…

In addition to the whole being drunk for 8 days thing, we also went to a bunch of “theater” performances on the boat. Some were organized by Atlantis (gay) and some were organized by Royal Caribbean (lame/straight…except for the figure skating performance which was faggy by default), but regardless most were kinda of….meh.

The best show by far was Dixie Longate’s Tupperware Party. Dixie is America’s number one Tupper Ware sales person…for real. She Travels the country throwing Tupperware parties (think Mary Kay), and basically is just this big, mean, hilarious drag queen. It was so good we saw it twice. Check out this (unfortunately kind of old) video of her….

Basically every night on the boat there was a HUGE dance party. We went to a few, but since we are not really “joiners”, we mostly stood at the side lines and watched. Eventually we got over being too cool for school though and joined in. Did I mention that the dances all have stupid themes? Military, 90’s, Disco, blah blah blah…. The biggest party is the white party. Basically, you just have to wear white.

Of course, neither of us brought a stitch of white clothes, so we had to buy some at the ports. In a  moment of insanity, we decided to just buy white underwear, and go to the party basically naked. Luckily, we are cute, so even though it was a little awkward at first, mostly it just ended up being an ego boost as a result of all the compliments we got on our…..outfits.

Here is someone else’s video of the party I found on youtube…

“But where are all the scandalous pictures of Jon and Paul?” I hear you asking yourselves. Well, as most the readers of Gaycondo don’t actually know us or care about seeing candid shots of us in bathing suits, all the pictures are….after the jump!



Up on deck desperately avoiding skin cancer!


Eating and drinking...which we did alot of. Paul is enjoying a super gross/delicious taco at Senor Frog in Puerto Vallarta, which is basically like Chiles but with Mexican food. As far as I could tell only white tourists go there.


When we were in Puerto Vallarta, it was raining and/or flooding the entire time. We got off the boat anyway, and did a lot of running around from awning to awning. It was kind of like being in Portland, but with exotic plants and gift shops.


These are our cruise BFF's, Jeff and Chris from Seattle. We met them on the third night, right about when we were starting to think we wouldn't find anyone on the boat that we actually wanted to hang out with.



Luckily, by the time we got to Cabo hurricane Rick had blown over, and the weather was AMAZING! We walked around the city with Jeff and Chris and stumbled upon this ocean side, open air cafe. We realized quickly that it was attached to a fancy hotel/swimming pool. They actually let us use the pool, and even got us towels and chairs.


So, like I said, Senor Frog's is a pretty big tourist thing in Mexico. They have these gift shops all over the place that sell Shirts and hats and mugs with these frog people all over them. I got the feeling that the Locals kind of hate the place. We saw this boat in Cabo on which the owner had painted all these dirty versions of the chartacters. I temporarily forgot I wasn't on the big gay boat for a second, and posed. Needless to say, I got quite a few stares and whistles from the locals.


On the second to last day, we realized that we didn't bring enough socks. So Paul had the genius idea to wash them in the room sink and then dry them with a blow dryer. Basically, Paul is the most adorable person on the planet.




3 Responses to “Jon and Paul: Vacation Extravaganza!”

  1. 1 Chris
    October 29, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    Ooh, I like Dixie. I want to MAKE those
    cupcakes! I need a caddy.

    That hurricane was crazy f-ing loud wind.

  2. October 29, 2009 at 11:01 pm

    That was a ridiculous and fun cruise, wasn’t it? Great recap, great photos, and it was great getting to meet you two. I can’t wait to see you next time we’re in Portland (and if you ever do dare to lower your cool factor and visit Seattle, we’ll be happy to host you gentlemen).

  3. October 30, 2009 at 2:30 pm

    Paul drying socks with a hair dryer is a genius shot!

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