We’re back from out big fat Gay mexican cruise, and Portland queer cynicism aside, we had a fucking amazing time. We drank, we danced, we lounged by blue water oceans, made new friends, walked around in underwear with about 3000 homos, and ate more gross food than I care to admit.
By the way, did you know that there was a giant turd of a hurricane turding it up all over the Mexican Riviera this past week? There was. His name was Rick. And guess where we were through it all? In a fucking hot tub drinking cocktails in the middle of a 30 foot wave ocean having a blast. At one point I set my drink down and…whoosh…. the over 100 mile per hour wind made it disappear. It was, to say the least, surreal.
To get an idea of what we were getting drunk in dealing with, here is a video from youtube of some other faggots from the boat walking up on deck with hurricane Rick…
In addition to the whole being drunk for 8 days thing, we also went to a bunch of “theater” performances on the boat. Some were organized by Atlantis (gay) and some were organized by Royal Caribbean (lame/straight…except for the figure skating performance which was faggy by default), but regardless most were kinda of….meh.
The best show by far was Dixie Longate’s Tupperware Party. Dixie is America’s number one Tupper Ware sales person…for real. She Travels the country throwing Tupperware parties (think Mary Kay), and basically is just this big, mean, hilarious drag queen. It was so good we saw it twice. Check out this (unfortunately kind of old) video of her….
Basically every night on the boat there was a HUGE dance party. We went to a few, but since we are not really “joiners”, we mostly stood at the side lines and watched. Eventually we got over being too cool for school though and joined in. Did I mention that the dances all have stupid themes? Military, 90’s, Disco, blah blah blah…. The biggest party is the white party. Basically, you just have to wear white.
Of course, neither of us brought a stitch of white clothes, so we had to buy some at the ports. In a moment of insanity, we decided to just buy white underwear, and go to the party basically naked. Luckily, we are cute, so even though it was a little awkward at first, mostly it just ended up being an ego boost as a result of all the compliments we got on our…..outfits.
Here is someone else’s video of the party I found on youtube…
“But where are all the scandalous pictures of Jon and Paul?” I hear you asking yourselves. Well, as most the readers of Gaycondo don’t actually know us or care about seeing candid shots of us in bathing suits, all the pictures are….after the jump!