gaby: your special halloween programming part 1: in which i plan to watch a horror movie a day for the rest of october

Oh my god, guys, do you realize it is almost Halloween?! I just got back from a trip to Eastern Europe, and I have to say, despite whatever other things I sometimes feel about the US, I am so happy to live in a country where we have a fun national holiday devoted to the terror, anxiety, and agony of the unknown! I am all about Halloween, because it is the only holiday that really touches on all of my interests:
1. werewolves
2. parables and archetypes
3. candy
4. having everyone admit that everything every day is kind of hideously scary oh my god just the uncertainty of it all, you know?? It’s amazing that we can even get out our front doors sometimes!!
4a. but also admitting that that terror of uncertainty can sometimes be the big sexy thing that keep life interesting and exciting
5. days when it is socially acceptable to tape a headless rubber mummy to your door
6. haunted houses!
7. fake blood in public

I mean, really think about it! Think about the amazing privilege that we all get, a single special day a year when we finally get to tape a headless rubber mummy to our front door (if that is what you strongly personally desire to do all the rest of the year)(I know that I do!).

I know I am basically the Halloween equivalent of someone who spends all of November making little Christmas tree angels out of toilet paper tubes, but I do not care. As far as I am concerned, it is the only holiday that is a celebration of fun and wonder, without being ruined by a really obvious and heavy-handed religious part (yes, duh, I know there is a spiritual history of Halloween, stop interrupting me) or having to do boring stuff with your family. And you can walk around in a dinosaur costume if you want to! Anywhere outside your house that you like! Even into a bar!

Anyway, so since I was away for a lot of October, I am a little behind on my Halloweening, which I normally begin at the very top of October. SO: I am kicking it into overdrive for the remainder of the month. Please get ready for some specialty Halloween programming from me on this blog over the next few days, including: things that are scary, things that are not scary, daily horror movie reviews, non-daily candy reviews, and precious Halloween memories.

First order of business: I have decided to try to watch a horror movie a day for the rest of October. I’m still kind of jet-lagged, which leaves me waking up at the unholy hour of 6:45 am. A terrible time to be awake (if you ask me), but an amazing time to watch horror movies! This morning, I watched a horror movie that was so absorbing I almost forgot to go to work! And that movie was called:

TRICK ‘R TREAT (2007), dir. Michael Dougherty
Holy balls, people, this movie is so good! It is one of those movies that is composed of four vignettes, and I just figured, I’ll watch one or two, and then leave for work, right? Wrong! Omg, so so so wrong. This movie is so fun and goofy and gross and genuinely funny and even really seriously spooky, I could not tear myself away–it gets all the Halloween feelings just right. It’s nothing like most horror movies you see around these days, the ones with all the dumb sex and then girls crying and running and realistic-looking zombies and fake-feeling everything else and weird graphic victimization that makes you kind of uncomfortable. This film takes place in a much campier, more stylized universe, a place that has more in common with “Buffy” and “Tales from the Crypt” than “Saw”–it does real unreality better than any horror film* I’ve seen since “Scream.” Yes, I am praising it that highly!

Set in a suburban midwestern town on Halloween night, the film follows four separate (but interwoven) stories centering on: a campily menacing school principal dealing with trick or treaters, a group of tweens off to do something unsettling with some stolen jack o lanterns, an old man who’s alone in the house (or is he???? omg of course he’s not!) and some Halloween girls gone wild. It’s also not sexist or racist or homophobic–I know that is sort of a weird thing to praise it for–like, shouldn’t all movies be that way?– but as a long time horror fan, I know that I sometimes have to suffer some sexism or other yucky stuff to get through a halfway enjoyable horror movie. I am pleased to report that this movie is not like that all!

It’s also really beautifully shot–it was produced by “X-Men”‘s Bryan Singer, so I am guessing some serious cash went into it, and it shows. The dark color palette is moody and gorgeous, and you know what, it has to be really fucking moody and gorgeous to get me to notice it, because I don’t pay attention to any visual details ever in my life, like sometimes my roommate gets a haircut and it takes me two months to notice. But I noticed how lush and pretty this film looked for a straight to DVD horror movie. And god knows why it was dumped straight to DVD! The movie was originally scheduled to be released in theaters for Halloween 2007, and for whatever mysterious reasons, never saw the light of day until its DVD release this past month. I think it is lame that in a world where something like “Paranormal Activity” gives everyone a boner (even though it lacks craftsmanship or story development or also a lot of other things) just because it is not the same old “Saw Part 47” nonsense, people don’t get to have an amazing Halloween delight like “Trick ‘R Treat” pushed in their faces the way it should be. Well, I am pushing this in your face right now! if you like horror movies at all–say, if you’re unsqueamish enough to watch and enjoy “Scream”–please totally go out and rent this movie this Halloween season, you won’t be sorry. When I walked out of my house, which is on an exremely crowded urban block, this morning right after finishing this movie, I felt the same combination of terror and delicious delight in my own isolation and all the unknown things going on around me that made me first go wild for Halloween as a kid.

Oh also, don’t look at the Wikipedia page, it ruins like every single surprise in the movie. My week of horror movies feels kind of shot now, though–what can I rent that will be as good as this? If you have any suggestions, pleeeeeeeeeeeease leave ’em in the comments!

* I am using the “horror film” qualifier because I think there are a bunch of non-horror directors who do real unreality better, but this isn’t about them!

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: BEST ALBUMS OF 2009: Where The Wild Things Are : Soundtrack

An odd choice for Best Album of 2009 just snuck in…. in form of a children’s album.

I’m excited to see Where The Wild Things Are when it hits theaters later this month. I’m guessing it will be one movie this year that will justify paying $10 to see on the big screen.

And of course I was beyond thrilled to hear that Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs is responsible for the movie’s soundtrack! My imaginary child will definitely be receiving this album in their music collection.

Karen O and the Kids (an all star entourage featuring members from YYY/The Raconteurs/Dead Weather/Deerhunter/Gris Gris/The Bird and the Bee as well as a charming childrens choir) will hopefully be school yard heros with their soundtrack (which thankfully is not a huge green booger!) In fact, this album is more fun than my memories of recess!

The songs manage to remain playful and kindergarden friendly whilst sustaining a professional-sounding ochestration that even those who know how to tie their own shoes can appreciate.

Listen to “Capsize”:

Karen O’s crackly, whimsicle voice often sounds like a kid going through pre-pubescent turmoil and is leveled with cutesy folk-pop acoustic guitars and tamborines on many of the songs.

“Capsize” sounds like it could be an outtake of of the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s It’s Blitz with call and response chants with children, electric guitars and a determined snare march. “Worried Shoes” is a melancholy lullaby with clunky vibraphones and airy piano notes and sounds like it could be the inner thoughts of a kid who just licked their ice cream off the cone.

Some of the songs are darker in nature which leads me to believe this movie isn’t going to be targeting any cry babys. The primal track “Animal” begins with growls and children begging for mercy before it dives into a swamp of yelps, screetching acoustic guitars, tribal-esque shakers and bone rattling beats ending in howls.
Listen: “Animal”
https://gaycondo.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/09-animal.mp3″

I’m excited to see how the music plays out in the movie itself. I think we’re in for a real treat this October.

Watch a fan made trailer with Karen O and The Kids hit, “All Is Love”:

Read more of KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE’S “BEST RECORDS OF 2009” List.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Movies Recut For Halloween

I sure do get a kick out of the talented folks who transform the context of movies with their recut trailers!

Since Halloween is on the edge I feel it is appropriate to begin sharing some movies that were revised to chill your bones!

First let’s see what happened to When Harry Met Sally:

gaby: Brief Movie Reviews on a Church Sign

Click to embiggen me.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: “Once” Movie Review

I love Netflix! They are such a good electronic friend recommending movies they know I will like!

The latest one they suggested to me was an independent Irish film entitled, Once. It was probably recommended to me because I was obsessed with Before Sunrise a few years ago. That being said, if you enjoy Richard Linklater “talky” sort of films you will definitely like this one.

When I received the sleeve from Netflix I read the fine print and saw that it was a contemporary musical… “Uh-oh”, I thought to myself. Musicals have always been sort of sketchy for my tastes. They are either horribly annoying or painfully brilliant (think Dancer in the Dark or Audrey Hepburn’s Funny Face). I almost considered ditching the movie but was desperately bored at midnight and decided to watch it anyway.

Upon watching the first scene I knew it would be something that could hold my attention at least for a little while. I could tell this was a low budget film as it appeared to have been shot using low-grade hand held cameras. The film opens up with a street musician (played by Glen Hansard) performing a tune in downtown Dublin, earning spare change from those who pass by. As the man plays his rustic guitar, a junkie stumbles around pretending to tie his shoe. The musician forsees what is going on and warns the guy to back off. Eventually the inevitable happens and the junkie makes a grab for the plush guitar case which has gathered an handful of coins. The result is an on foot chase through the streets of Dublin until the street musician catches the junkie and reprimands him from stealing. In the end the message was, “If you needed something you should have asked, rather than steal” and the musician gives the poor soul a few coins.

In the next scene the street musician (whom shall remain nameless throughout the entire film) plays an original tune at night which draws the attention of a Czech immigrant street hawker girl – who shall also remain nameless. The girl (played by Markéta Irglová) walks up to the guy throws him ten cents and asks if it was an original tune. The guy says ‘yes’ while still strumming his guitar. She says she really liked it and asked why he doesn’t play it during the day. He responds that the only real tunes that make any real money – more than 10 cents – are covers and traditional songs, so he prefers to play his highly personal original songs at night. The girl assumes he does it only for the money then and recommends he gets a job in a shop. The guy begins to become annoyed, wanting to get back to playing, and says he in fact does have a job in a shop…fixing old vacuum cleaners. The girl brightens up and says she has a broken vacuum cleaner and asks if he will fix it. He says to bring it by tomorrow. After all, they hawk and play the same streets every day.

The next day, to the guy’s surprise, the girl brings he old, broken vacuum cleaner… Hesitant to continue talking to this girl, eventually the guy puts down his guitar and the two of them walk to a cafe to talk before heading back to his father’s vacuum repair shop. In the cafe the girl confesses she has a love for music and after they finish their tea they stop by her favorite music store whose owner let’s her play their pianos in the back while the store is quiet. There she proves to the guy she has musical talent and they have their first collaboration on a song the guy had in the works called “Falling Slowly”.

The two have an instant musical connection and will continue to write and record music in a matter of a week.

Don’t want to give too much away – and you may think you know what is going to happen – in the romance department – but just watch.

Besides my love of music, I enjoyed this “contemporary musical” because of the creative way they made it be a musical. It wasn’t like most musicals – where song bursts out in a surreal landslide of inappropriate timing – instead, the music weaves it’s way naturally throughout the film as the characters share their ideas for songs, collaborate, busk the streets and record. The music itself was very good and was written by the actors. In fact, their song, “Falling Slowly” won them an Oscar in 2007 and the overall film garnered a lot of attention from Sundance.

The actor who plays the street musician is Glen Hansard, lead singer of the Frames, a Dublin based band and former Frames member, John Carney, directed the film. The songs that make up Once are highly emotional and driving, accelerating towards the point of hysterical collapse. The street musician character is getting inspiration from the pain a former girlfriend has caused him as well as the excitement of meeting and making music with the street hawker girl. Guy’s actor, Glen Hansard, makes it all worthwhile and real as he employs his own incredible vocal range and carries emotional effect in his voice as he is accompanied nicely by Markéta Irglová’s soft toned voice filling out the lower registers and she fills in on piano.

The ending is sort of surprising and not what you would think of a romantic musical. I’ll just leave it at that.

At the end of the night, I gave this movie an A and thank Netflix for recommending it to me. The film was shot for around $100k, though the strict budget doesn’t sacrifice the quality of the script, music, location and overall feel of the movie. I can’t wait to see what Netflix brings my way next!

Here is a series of clips containing my favorite song from Once called “When Your Mind’s Made Up”

Jon: I Just Saw the “Sex and the City” Movie for the First Time….

…and all I have to say is: Thank god for magic black ladies and gay men or  else I don’t know what rich self absorbed white ladies would do.

Seriously, I think they might implode from their own gravitational pull or something….

26 Interviews: (A)ndrew Klaus

Portland based artist Andrew Klaus has been continuously working in a wide range of creative fields  including photography, music (as A is for Accident), and film, his most prominent effort.  As a follow up to several award winning films, his  newest short feature “Inheritance” will be out later this year.

Through out his career Andrew has worked with such notable collaborators as Andy Goldsworthy, Holly Andres, James Bolton, Grace Carter, and Silas Howard. Recently he has begun filming videos for  Oregon’s Emergency Medical Services for Children (EMS-C) which serve as instructional films for pediatric trauma situations. This has not only afforded him a living as a film maker, but has also given him the opportunity to film in many new and exciting situations. Did anyone say medical helicopter party?

 

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Jon:  When not writing, directing and producing your own films you frequently work as a documentarian for hire.  Do you find that having a 9 to 5 job adjacent to your creative endeavors has been helpful?

Andrew:  I feel having a day job in your creative field is absolutely advantageous.  You make contacts with others who share your passion for film making, which is by its very nature a collaborative field.  You pool your resources, call in favors, collect knowledge and offer support to one another- or compete cut throat and blood thirsty.  Thankfully for me though, that has been the exception not the rule.

 J:  It sounds like you find a lot of inspiration in your day job. How have you filtered your experiences working on films for EMS-C into your technical process when working on your own films?  There has to be a big difference in the process behind these to seemingly disparate projects.

 A:  Often my experimental or narrative films have taught me the techniques necessary to produce a product for a client.  I’ve learned my best lessons from trying and failing and trying again.  Also, I’m a big fan of dumb luck.  In experimental film making mistakes often lead to new discoveries, frequently enhancing a performance or an effect.

With the documentary work we shoot largely in real time: one take, with multiple cameras.  This means far less room for error.  I can never just yell “cut”, reset, and start over. It’s always “think on your feet”.  I am just trying to shoot everything as fast and steady as possible.  When I cut it all together I rely on my more creative film experience to find the narrative and piece together a story from start to finish.  The final product, while not exactly a traditional film, ends up as one that has filmic qualities.

I’ve certainly learned important new lessons from this job. From budgeting in my personal life to bettering my interpersonal relations and conflict resolutions, an invaluable tool for any film maker.  Also, I’ve been really inspired by the varied rural locations I’ve been to on my job with OHSU.  These are locations which I probably would have never experienced otherwise and I hope to revisit a few of them to shoot creative personal work in the coming year.

 J: So when approaching your creative efforts you never find yourself burnt out on filming and editing as a result of your day job?

 A: I’m absolutely grateful and keenly aware how lucky I am to get to work in my chosen field.  That being said though, like anyone on any job, there are sometimes days, situations, and other people that simply get on my absolute last nerve.  I’m trying really hard to remember everyday why I do this unstable and truly insane job, and to be thankful for it.  But yeah, some days are just plain awful. 

I got really burned out on my upcoming film Inheritance.  It was plagued with problems in post production from special effects not working, to being 3k over budget, to plain ol’ challenges in storytelling.  It’s a really odd film that was a tough nut to crack when editing.

 J: Speaking of “Inheritance”, your most recent film, I’ve noticed that it deviates from your previous work in that its strength relies heavily on the absurd and comedic.  I imagine that your day job with EMS-C must also require a sense of humor seeing as you are dealing with such serious subjects.  Any funny stories?

 A: No, none… Just kidding.

 Yeah of course.  Let’s see:  Recently we pulled up to a Hospital’s Emergency Department and were unloading gear, including the Hi-fidelity medical mannequin we use.  When we unzipped the case and hauled out the “dummy”, we were unaware that a few people were watching thinking these big city strangers had come to their small town with a dead body in a suitcase.  On an even more recent project no one informed me I would be shooting on some of the largest sand dunes in North America. In the rain.  In my Kenneth Cole loafers.

J:When writing “Inheritance, what inspired you to insert a comedic element into such “a serious subject?

 A:  After completing my previous loosely themed trilogy I was sort of at a loss for what story I wanted to tell next.  The three films were all quite serious.  First off there was The Human Remains (2006), a film about a young women in a suicide survivor support group.  It was the film that started my career.  I followed it up with back to back downers – Lazarus (2007) an experimental film about madness and survivor’s guilt and then THIS HOUSE IS NOT A HOME (2007) a black and white silent horror film.

 While preparing for my next film I started making experimental films and erotica.  Creatively this was really, really satisfying but it was not something that was readily accessible.  Eventually I missed narrative filmmaking.  I had this treatment I had written as a fable.  It was a horror-comedy about a couple whose lives are turned upside down when they inherit a minor demon.  And I decided to be quite literal and instead of lesser, “minor” would actually mean adolescent.

When I started thinking about the look of the film I decided I wanted to attempt to make the kind of schlocky B (or C) movie that I loved as a kid.  I wanted to pay homage to the early days of cable TV and direct to VHS creature features, a knock-off of a knock-off of Gremlins.

 Sort of Sam Rami meets Woody Allan.

 I hadn’t really done comedy before and that seemed really challenging to me.  I mean it’s definitely a black comedy.  It’s gruesome and kinda adorable in equal measure but I’ve cut my teeth on disturbing, scary and/or emotionally moving- so doing comedy was definitely out of my comfort zone.  It’s good to be able to tell a variety of stories and work in several genres as a director.

 We’ll see how audiences react to Inheritancethis fall; the test screenings have gone really well.  I really like changing directions with each project.  My next film I plan on shooting is a surrealist sci-fi film, part David Lynch part Sophia Coppola part Derek Jarman, about a group of people in a sleep study.  It may even have a musical number.  The plan is to mix stop-motion, erections, singing, and really beautifully composed cinematography.

 And even a happy ending for a change… well, maybe.

 

(for more on Andrew, visit his website, Diggin’ to China)

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26 Interviews  by Jon Miller

365 days.

26 interesting people.

1 alphabet.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: My favorite childhood Horror-suspense flicks

Confession time: I have no vivid memory of seeing The Goonies.

On my behalf, I realize this simple fact is a social deflater in many of my conversations and I try to avoid it at all costs.

 Especially if:

A. a person I am speaking with happened to be born around 1980 or had a sibling born during this time. (I was the first born child during 1984 and thus have no recollect of this classic film due to a slight generational difference) 

OR……..

 B. if a person says one of their top 10 reasons for moving to Portland was because The Goonies was filmed in nearby Astoria, Oregon).

While The Goonies probably requires some sort of brain module to understand and remember, I was simply too young to seek out and appreciate.

When I was 8 years old, I would defintely say my favorite movie genre was horror-suspense. At this age, I hung out with my older cousins whom were interested in what they perceived to be “adult” film and novels, particularly those by Steven King. I tried to emulate their pre-teen bravery while I watched the terrifying clown-tastic, IT … yet in reality, I was scared shitless. In fact, based on this movie, I was introduced to my most memorable childhood nightmares.

Later on, my cousins and I watched another Steven King film, The Stand. This film dealt with the horrific possibility of the end of the modern world through the triumph of a highly contagious plague. Futhermore, the plague and destruction of humanity seemed to be moderated by  an illuminati of evil powers. Even today, I am still intrigued by this biological fatlity which could occur during our lifetime.

A fan made a short preview to this really loooong movie ::::::::::::

Looking back, I believe it was The Stand which made me interested in conspiracy theories, gruesome apocalypse and multi-dimensional epic TV shows like Lost.

On the other hand, I was an overt Disneyfag and thoroughly enjoyed innocent Disney-fied children’s “scary” movies such as Hocus Pocus, starring Bette Midler (duh!). However, my viewing tendancies weren’t so innocent seeing as I mostly watched Hocus Pocus to gay out to the “then-hardly-nobody” Sarah Jessica Parker. OH THE WHORE – I MEAN, HORROR!

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE:: W

I had high hopes for Oliver Stone’s film about the Bush Administration, W. I was really hoping for some laughs in the face of the infamous administration whom has destroyed America’s reputation.

Instead, all I got was an extremely loooooooong and equally boooooooring movie. As far as comedy goes, Bush himself has more comedic one liners than this entire movie!

Do some research Stone!

Most of the movie focused on Bush’s younger years, portrayed as spoiled, whiny fuck-up who has daddy issues. Oh so sad but not enough to make up for his sportsman mentality where winning must be achieved at any cost.

W tells its audience a teeny bit about current history but if you know a smidge about how effed the real administration is this won’t be new to you.

Instead, I would recommend skipping W in the theater and renting excellent Frontline Documentary, Bush’s War

Jon: The movie that changed my life…

I first saw the film “All Over Me” when I was 15, and though I wouldn’t say it is my favorite movie of all time, it is most definitely the one that has had the greatest impact on me as a person.

For those of you that haven’t seen it ( and I know all you radical fags and fagettes have), All Over Me tells the story of Claude, a butch-ish 15 year old girl struggling with her queer identity, and her straight best friend Ellen, who is falling into a black hole of drugs and abusive relationships. Claude, of course, is secretly in love with Ellen, and the two navigate this complicated relationship against the backdrop of Hell’s Kitchen, a very bad neighborhood in NYC. There world and relationship is changed forever when they become involved in the murder of a local queer musician.

There is a lot of drama and crying and awkwardness of course, but that is not really what mattered to me when I was fifteen. Luckily, I had great parents and was very well adjusted and okay with my queerness. Very little drama involved. So, it wasn’t the queer storyline  that really changed something inside of me.

What changed me forever was the musical exposure that I was given by All Over Me. It was how I discovered Helium, Sleater-Kinney, Geraldine Fibbers, Babes in Toyland, The Amps, and The Murmurs. Finding these bands started me thinking about feminism, politics, queer theory and modern art. They gave me the nudge I needed to discover other bands like Team Dresch and Bratmobile. Basically, the soundtrack to this movie helped me to become a pretty fucking awesome, smart, and confident queer teen. I know that who I am today is the result of a clear trajectory started my queer/feminist/altenative rock music of the mid-nineties.

Here is and idea I had today but will most likely by apethetic about following through on:

ALL OVER ME soundtrack tribute/cover night!

Four bands each cover 3-4 songs off the soundtrack and all the proceeds go to SMYRC (a portland queer youth non-profit). Of course my band Swallows would play. Local lesbo heartthrobs and 90’s rock lover’s Sick Sick Sister would certainly be invited as well… who else?

I feel like a ton of other queer people my age had a similiar experience with this film, so the night would be bound to succeed, especially here in Portland.

If it actually happens, I totally claim the song “Dragon Lady” by The Geraldine Fibbers. Here is the video:

I would love to see Sick Sick Sister perform “Hello” by Babes in Toyland:

If you have any memories of All Over Me I would love to here about them in the comments….

Jon: Ok, I’m getting sick of the trash talk….

…I like the campy Batman better! So shut your trap!

With the release of, Dark Knight, the newest film in the long-standing Batman franchise, there has been a lot of talk and comparisons being made in regards to the 90’s films of the same subject matter. While most are in agreement that the first two films (Batman, Batman Returns) are fantastic, almost everyone with a soapbox to preach from has been talking some serious shit about the third (Batman Forever) and fourth (Batman and Robin) films.

What the fuck? I mean, seriously, I love these films… Not everyone wants a serious, dark, brooding  Batman. I prefer my caped crusader campy and fabulous! Here are just a couple of the countless reasons why faggy Batman kicks prozacy/gothy/straight Batman’s ass:

1.) Cheesy one liners and choreography:

This video was originally created (most likely by a boring nerdy straight guy) to make a case for why Batman and Robin was the worst movie ever. Apparently this guy has never heard of camp. Just look at those crotch/ass shots and ridiculous oneliners! What is not to love?

2.) Faggy super hero fetish wear anyone?

In case you were not already doing so, I want you to take a good hard look at Chris O’Donnell’s (Robin’s) crotch. Any fag will tell you: that fucker is packing heat. And when it comes to movies, I think crotchy actors is something we can all collectively get behind.

3.) Strong, fashionable, faggette ladies:

Are they queer or just “queer friendly”? Who knows! One thing that is for sure though: these volumized hair having, spandex wearing, ass kicking ladies are a camp lovers wet dream!

In conclusion:

Old Batman is faggy and awesome!

New Batman is boring and hates the gays.

The End.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Download + Keep YouTube Videos!

I am in love with YouTube. I think it’s great that you can virtually watch anything you want! However, I was always a bit disappointed that you couldn’t download and keep the videos that you watch over and over….

Well, those days are over. Now, with a freeware program called DVD Video Soft you can easily download and keep all of your favs in minutes! All you have to do is download the software and plug in each video’s main URL. You can also convert them into various video formats to fit your digital video player! WOO!

(pssss….. for those of you in Portland, near Portland, or needing an excuse to come to Portland : Using this program, Gaycondo will be doing a video screening August 31st at East End. It will be our 9 month celebration and also Swallows 5 year anniversary party! More info to come…)

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Dearest Carrie Bradshaw…

On a recent mother/daughter outing, I finally saw the Sex And The City movie…

Overall, it wasn’t as good as the series but was definitely watchable.

However, the ending was TOTALLY effed!!!

***SPOILER ALERT***

I’ve never thought Carrie Bradshaw had any common sense when it came to men, especially Mr. Big. I mean, I know sometimes it’s hard to let go of love – especially love that consistantly lets you down but keeps you hooked because of good sex and lustful dramatics – but COME ON!

After having kept her at at arm’s length for 10 years, Mr. Big had the nerve to suggest that marriage was an option. Inevitably, he walks out on her the day of the wedding as she stands at the enterance of the   pre-wedding reception wearing a designer dress given to her after she was featured in a bridal photoshoot for Vogue.

At the end of the movie, she has the stupidity to forgive him and grant him one last chance. What a let down! The writers should have taken Charlotte’s lead and thought of a really great “get out of my life, for reals!” line….Or better yet – take her $525 designer heel and poke his eyes out! Now that is more hetero woman empowerment than allowing the film crew to shoot her at 40 sans makeup.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Juno, WTF?!

*DISCLAIMER: Indeed, I am the last person in gaycondo to see Juno

Juno Vs. Ghost World

Mmkay, I realize I am 6 months too late but I just watched the movie, Juno, for the first time.

I’m always skeptical of extreme hype: Critics glowed about Juno, Diablo Cody revealed her past as a stripper, young girls need a light hearted spotlight on teenage pregnancy to encourage reproductive awareness, Oscar Nite, yadda yadda, etc.

I unintentionally strayed from Juno for a loooong time. After noticing that Juno was playing at the same second run local theater for what felt like months, I didn’t feel a big rush to see it right away. It’s overbearing presence made me think I could see it any time so I continued to put it off. Months later, after Juno had won an Oscar and I was beginning to digest the force fed hype, I felt the cultural pressure to finally sit down and watch Juno. After all, I couldn’t miss out on the “heart warming, hilarious indie gem” of the year. Plus there would be indie music in it!

The whole time I was watching Juno, all I could think was that I didn’t get it. I guess the hype had gone over my head. I found the writing to be trite and annoying and with the exception of Jennifer Garner’s mediocre performance, the acting was haaarrible. I found Juno’s character to be especially irritating. I realize that in reality, many teenagers are annoying. Especially teenagers like Juno who think they are mature, witty and have an insatiable urge to “one up” someone. If only Juno would have realized that the erratic overuse of stale one liners just made her come off as an immature adult whose jokes warrant a courtesy laugh and causes everyone else inwardly rolls their eyes.

Even though Juno’s soundtrack featured cutesy folk-pop throughout the entirety of the film, I thought the musical connection between Juno and the future practical father of her child, Mark Loring, would save the movie for me. I did also find it impressive how at the age of 16, Juno knew and apprectiated Dario Argento as the gore master. However, once Mark’s true colors shown red hott for Juno, I knew it would go downhill from there. I must say, I did anticipate that moment after reading one reviewer compare Juno to Ghost World (2001), a movie I loved when I was a teenager.

Speaking of Ghost World….That’s a great movie based upon “adult” teenagers! It explores some of the same principles of Juno, an outcast alternative teenager who is trying to grow up too fast and meets an older man who introduces her into the realms of music. Except Ghost World’s soundtrack isn’t full of indie-pop sing-a-longs suitable for “progressive indie 5 year olds”. Instead, it has kitschy Americana blues and retro Bollywood jangles. There is also an element of inappropriate relations between teenager Enid (Thora Birch) and forty-something, bug eyed Seymour (Steve Bucemi) but I think we have all grown to expect that from the characters Becemi plays (hello, Tree’s Lounge?)

What truly makes Ghost World‘s Enid differ from Juno is that she is actually funny and doesn’t act like a a teenager who is trying too hard to be cool around adults. Enid’s dry sarcasm is believable and serious even if the audience’s reaction is light hearted.

While Ghost World was nominated for an Oscar for Best Screenplay Based Upon Previously Published Material, (although, to my understanding, the plot radically differs from the comic book it is based on) the award was won by another. boo.

Here are a few of my favorite scene from Ghost World:

Years later, how Juno‘s watered down portrayal of a girl coming of age managed to win an Oscar for “Best Original Screenplay” is still beyond me. What made this movie deserve such hype? A friend offered up the explanation of how Juno would have made an excellent book for teen girls and simply wasn’t fit the screen…or theater for that matter. This idea banishes Juno’s cheesy one-liners to the discreet corners of the reader’s mind and excuses the actor’s embarrassing execution of their lines. Another friend was certain the movie did so well because Diablo Cody exploited her past career as a stripper, creating a whirlwind of hot topics to surround her first movie. If such a conspiracy theory could be the case, how come Juno’s storyline wasn’t centered around a teenage stripper rather than a pregnant girl who gets freaked out at the abortion clinic and decides to donate her baby to a hetero, upper middle class, white family? A family involving a deadbeat husband and a woman whose life goal is to raise a baby. Typical. How about an interracial lesbian couple who BOTH want to be mothers?

As a feminist, it is important to note that it is AWESOME to see more women behind the scenes in film making and I think it is great that they are recognized on Oscar night. It is also great to see women speaking openly about their experiences (ie. stripping) they have been shunned for in society. Awareness and acceptance is key to bridging the gaps society has opposed upon each other. However, it is also important to note, like everyone else, women don’t always make good artistic choices and shouldn’t be rewarded just because they are women. Similarly, just because the media hypes up a product while desperately trying to sell it to me doesn’t necessarily mean that I will agree with it…even if I am down with the greater cause of women making art, becoming recognized for their creations, or stripping.

Freedom of choice!

Jon: …and the celesbian train rolls on…

…Ellen Paige is one sexy bitch.

***NOTE: IN THE PROCESS OF RESEARCHING THIS POST, I FOUND OUT THAT ELLEN PAIGE IS MAYBE NOT GAY AND APPARENTLY THERE WAS THIS WHOLE THING ABOUT IT ON SNL OR SOMETHING… BUT WHATEVER***

Yeah yeah, I know. I am maybe the last person in America to see the movie Juno. I just got it from Netflix though, and thought it was pretty marginally an okay movie. Not a  “see it twice” film, but enjoyable…

However, from when I started watching it, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was kind of….off…

It took me until about fifteen minutes into the story to place it, but then it became glaringly clear: Juno/Ellen Paige is totally gay. Genetically gay in fact. This truth became so overwhelming to me that I was unable to view the character as anything but a closeted future queer. I mean, come on, right? She totally dumped that Arrested Developement kid as soon as the credits finished rolling….

Juno=Gay

 I have always had conflicted feelings on this topic. I really do believe that being queer is genetic and that we are not only a cultural group, but also (and admittedly in a postmodern way) for lack of a better word an ethnic group.

So, if Ellen Paige can’t (for the nature of who she is) play straight any more convincingly than a black actor could play white, does this mean that casting choices like this are an assault on queer cultural identity???

OR

would NOT casting her because she is gay be worse?

What do you think?

 

Jon: “The Pull” by Andy Blubaugh…

…my favorite from The Portland Documentary and eXperimental Film Festival.

This week was the seventh annual PDX Film Fest (do you see? do you see? do you see how they cheated when making that acronym???) and I was lucky enough to get the chance to catch around 24 or so of the short films. They covered quite a range. There were animations, documentaries, narratives, music videos, and more flashing seizure inducing visual peices (read: boring/irritating) than you can shake a stick at. I really fell in love with several of the shorts, but my favorite by far was Andy Blubaugh’s, “The Pull”.

The film documents Blubaugh’s (real life) experimental relationship in which he and his partner at the time decided to put an experation date on there time together. Basically, on the outset of the relationship the two set a date four months in the future at which point they would break up. “The Pull” touchingly tells this story through reenactments of the events (sidenote: the “actors” are in fact Blubaugh and his ex. In the Q&A after the screening, Blubaugh admitted that it was very akward at times filming some of the more intimate scenes) intertwined with footage of the pair riding bicycles through rural Oregon. Blubaugh uses this metaphor shockingly well. He states that when riding bicycles in a pair, two people are acting as seperate individuals who just happen to be doing the same thing in the same place at the same time. At any point, one individual could simply diverge from the path and continue on, essentually remaining unchanged as an individual.

Blubaugh’s film challenges the viewer’s first inclination in judging the relationship. As outsiders, it is easy to assume that this experation date would trivialize the relationship; somehow making it less comitted. However the film maker counters this by explaining that the actual result was the creation of a deep sense of urgency. That every moment in that four months felt extremely important.

The film is only eight minutes long, however it is so well presented that it stays with the viewer a long time afterwords. The implications of the piece teach us to reevaluate the way in which we experience our own relationships with those around us in a way that is truelly profound.

I wish that the full film was available online, but unfortunately all I could dig up was this trailer:

 

 

Jon: Guy Ben-ner’s Ikea sitcom….

….yet another example of me being slow on actualizing my ideas.

 

About two or so months ago, the four members of Gaycondo were perusing the aisles of our new local Ikea store. Being there is like a consumption explosion! So much stuff I don’t need… but it is SO cheap. It really brings out the consumer in me. Anyway, we were all secretly feeling a little guilty for being so materialistic, and discussion turned to the idea of finding ways to make the Ikea experience more creative and less consumptive. Several plans of action were verbalized, but my favorite idea (which, the narcissist that I am, was my idea) was one in which we would write a script for a soap opera that would be filmed “on set” using Ikea’s model homes.

“What a brilliant concept!”, I thought. We could sneak the camera in and film the highly choreographed and organized show in less than a day!

What original gorilla film making!

Unfortunately, I have a habit of coming up with great ideas and then apathetically not acting on them. Boo on me.

I have been beaten to the punch by Israeli fim maker Guy Ben-ner. He created an 18 minute sitcom, Stealing Beauty, starring his wife and two children. It was shot (without permission) entirely within Ikea stores thoughout the world. 

Here is a short preview of the film:

I love all the random bystanders that wander into the shots.

Anyway, lesson learned….

Ben-Ner was recently profiled in New York Magazine because of his amazing idea. That could have been me. Next time I am out getting drinks with friends and spout a genious thought, I’m going to act on it.

Fifteen minutes, here I come!

 

Jon: “Magic Johnson” is totally gay…

…on The Penny Jam!

One of my favorite queer Portland bands, Magic Johnson, was recently featured on this new video art project called The Penny Jam.

The genious premise of these projects is really inspiring:

The Penny Jam finds a great Portland band and a quintessential (non-venue) Portland location. They then do really high quality, well edited live videos of the band playing there.

That’s it!

This simple idea is so well executed and so, well, Portland. It makes me feel really proud of my city and my music community here.

Check out this awesome video of Magic Johnson playing at everyone in Portland’s favorite “on the cheap” store, The Dollar Scholar. I know, if you aren’t from Portland it is kind of hard to understand how a dollar store could be a Portland hot spot. But if you lived here, it would truelly take you only moments to recognize it in this video.

And then you would smile.