Doesn’t she totally remind you of your high school best friend’s fucked up mom who was totally on prescription mood stabilizers?
Archive for the 'lesbians' Category
Em (Keep it on the Brownlowe) and Beth (who hardly ever posted anyway) have left Gaycondo…
….in the physical sense that is. As you may or not know, Gaycondo is not only a blog, but a three dimensional real life Condo we all shared as well. The girls have decided to move into their own fancy digs across town, but don’t worry: they will still be regular writers here once they are settled into their new (lesbian) house.
They recently finished moving the last of their things out… but it looks like they accidentally left a few things behind. We took a peek at their former kitchen “junk drawer”. You know the type, everyone has one. Here’s what their’s looks like:
But what is all that shit??? Let’s take a closer look…
Apparently the girls have been leading secret alternate lives as tough ass, knife wielding, gambling, motorcylce dykes. Who incidentally also have soft skin and know how to fight off a cold….
CONTENTS. CLOCKWISE FROM UPPER LEFT:
- Expired oscillococcinum (it’s like Airborn, but all natural)
- cigarette rolling machine
- ultra clarity eye-glass cleaner (half used)
- strange white powder from Whole Foods (that looks like coke)
- “West Coast Choppers” zippo lighter (broken)
- shitty Cricket phone (broken)
- big-ass knife (dangerous)
- one single die (is that singular for dice?)
- electric stirrer from Ikea (lazy)
- unopened box of seasoned skewers (ten ginger mango and ten coconut lime!)
- unopened box of Jack Daniel’s playing cards (made in the USA)
- Zand (???) brand cough drops
- Asian pear and red tea body lotion (travel size)
….Portland’s favorite queer lady duo’s fun new music video!
I like how this video is mega 90’s. It’s all “we are dancing somewhere random” and then it’s all “here’s some cheap special effects and something that has nothing to do with the song, like egg’s being thrown at a wall” and then it’s all “let’s dance some more!” and then it’s over. All it is missing is a fish eye lens and something on fire…
Make sure to check out tracks off their new album by heading over to their myspace as well!
…and it was bad.
Really really bad.
And is it just me or is every single actor in this movie gay? Especially Kristen Stewart, who you might also remember as the quirky diabetic little gay girl in that marginally ok thriller “Panic Room”….
If I was gay (the other way…) I would totally have a lady boner for her…
Thoughts from the queer ladies in the audience? Leave them in the comments….
We were drinking some cheap wine and discussing some of our plans for the (hopefully) soon to arrive warm weather. To help in visualizing just how we would be enjoying our upcoming summer beach/river excursions, we decided to look at bathing suits online. We stumbled upon what is maybe the best/worst website ever, skinzwear.com. Basically it is a weird sex clothing store for people with no taste that is masquerading as a “swimwear” shop.
Here are our choices for this summer from the fabulous skinzwear collection. We both decided to stay classy and go with a modest one piece…
13
Feb
09
Jon: Vacation debate…
…to cruise or not to cruise?
Paul and I don’t get to take vacations too often (once or maybe twice a year) and they are always spent with our families. This is fantastic. We are lucky enough to have families worth spending time with, which is a not common enough situation. However, I have decided that Paul and I must take a vacation just the two of us. In my mind, there are exactly two types of romantic vacations that a couple can take: enriching or relaxing.
Basically: Europe vs. a Cruise.
Though I really want to go to Europe eventually, I feel like the money exchange rate at the moment would not make this a smart choice. Also, if we go overseas I would like to take at least 2-3 weeks off of work, which is not possible for both of us any time soon. A cruise however is both affordable (usually around $800-$1200/person) and short (1 week). Not to mention, stress free. Right now, a cruise is clearly the best choice.
Unfortunately, this dialogue has all been in my head, and when I approached Paul about it he was not to jazzed on the whole cruise thing. Not because he has anything against tropical, non-mentally stimulating relaxation, but more so because cruises force you to be in closed quarters with a bunch of totally lame d.b.’s.
Essentially, we have three types of cruises to choose from, all of which I will detail below. Which should we pick though?
Help us decide by commenting…
1.) Gay Cruise:
This is obviously the first style of cruise that came to mind for us when we were imagining this type of vacation. I mean, we are totally gay. In real life we mostly hang out with other queer folk anyway, so why not vacation with a bunch of them too?
The problem, as displayed by this retarded picture, is that gay folks on cruises are there to do just that: cruise. I mean, a gay cruise is largely just a gay nightclub on water right? And Paul and I don’t really enjoy hanging out in gay clubs here in Portland, so why would we want to be trapped in one for a whole week? Not to mention, based on the pictures on gay cruise websites, it would appear that most of the guys we would be surrounded by would not be our type of gay… (ie not from Portland).
The upside of course is that I have an entire collection of inappropriate bathing suits that I never get an excuse to wear, AND I started going to the gym this year, so now I actually look good in them…. *sigh*
2.) Straight Cruise
Hurrumph….
Straight cruise….
Look at these assholes, right? I mean, mostly (especially when you count the middle of the country) straight people are pretty awful… And mostly they really, really, don’t like gay people.
Example: Paul and I recently went on a family vacation to Las Vegas. We had a great time, but totally got stared at and homophobically cat called several times. We also had a terrible anti-queer restaurant experience. The way I see it, straight cruises are just Las Vegas on water, and Las Vegas is full of boring assholes.
3.) Gay Family Cruise
A friend who I was recently discussing this dilemma with brought up this third option, which hadn’t even occur ed to me before.
Though this style of gay cruise would obviously be a little less scandalous, it would also most likely be a lot less fun. I’m pretty sure that a couple doesn’t have to havechildren to participate, but I’m sure we would be in a small minority. Not to mention we would likely be completely surrounded by screaming 5 year olds at every turn which doesn’t sound particularly relaxing…
Plus, innappropriate bathing nsuits would be completely off the table, and what’s the point of going on a cruise if you can’t wear ridiculous resort wear you would never put on around your friends?
DILEMMA!
THOUGHTS?
Wow! What an amazing rally!
Last night I went to the “don’t resign” rally in support of Portland Mayor Sam Adams, who is currently under attack by the local media for lying about a sexual relationship he had with and 18 year old friend in 2005. There were probably 400-500 people gathered outside city hall last night carrying signs and chanting to show that they are behind Adams getting back to work (a repeatedy shouted mantra throughout the evening). It was really inspiring, especially in light of how one sided the local press has been in making it appear as though everyone in Portland is against Adams. I feel like this was one of the first opportunities that myself and other like minded individuals have had the chance to get a pro-Adams message out there in the press. Luckily, the event was highly publicized and covered by the local media, being aired live on several local TV channels.
I was also absolutely THRILLED to get to meet author and sex advice columnist Dan Savage. He is one of my favorite non-fiction writers, and if you haven’t read any of his books yet your making a big retarded mistake. I had been hoping to get to meet him at the rally, and was shocked that I actually ended up bumping into him at a coffee shop near city hall. Luckily, I was with Andy and Taylor, my good friends over at Digging to China. I was so nervous upon approaching Savage that I became totally mute…. So really, it is not so much that I met Savage. It is more like I froze up and watched as my freinds met him… Anyway, it was still fantastic!
Here is video of Dan Savage speaking followed by some of my pictures from the evening….
Me with my sign:
Oh my god, it’s me with with one of my favorite writers, the amazing Dan Savage!
And yes, he is just as dreamy up close as he is in his dust jacket photos….
Gaycondo super friend Nickey Robo posing with the opposite side of my sign
(it says “just” not “tust”):
Some other signs I liked:
p.s. Until he announces whether he is resigning or not, I promise to get back to business as usual here at Gaycondo and not write about Adams every day…
23
Jan
09
Jon: GO! GO! GO!
COME SUPPORT YOUR FANTASTIC MAYOR!
Unfortunately 3/4 of Gaycondo has work, but Jon will be
their with sometimes guest poster Nickey.
Come say hello and introduce yourself!
p.s. Did you know that super foxy/brainy writer Dan Savage will be there? AND Gus Van Sant? AND some other gay celebs, maybe even Sister Paula? Hopefully I will have some pics of myself with several Pacific power gays….
p.p.s. My beard will be there also, so if you are curious how that is going, you better show up…
Though I can definetely enjoy some less-than-mentally-stimulating reality television, I have never really gotten into any of the dating shows I have encountered. They have always seemed so contrived and scripted. Also, the subjects they follow tend to be completely unlikable or even slightly endearing. Oh, and there is also that whole wierd heterosexist thing that they always promote…. *yawn*
That’s why I was so shocked this week to discover (at the the urging of Gaycondo housemate Beth) that I am head over heels for Logo’s new gay dating/self improvement show “Can’t Get a Date?”. What largely hooked me was the way C.G.A.D. completely challenged the usual dating show status quo (ie frat-ish types with no brains going on wacky dates and embarrassing themselves by getting wasted) by instead choosing to showcase real and endearing people who are unlucky in love, and then giving them the tools they need to change themselves for the better and…drum roll please…..get a date.
C.G.A.D. is also different in the way it is filmed, edited, and audio recorded. It is easy when watching it to close your eyes and imagine you are listening to This American Life on NPR. It is for sure a lot smarter in it’s approach than any other similiar show.
Anyway, I’ll stop gushing. Just check it out. You can watch a couple of episodes free on Logo’s website, or you can watch them online for free at Netflix if you are a member. My favorite episodes are Mandy, Marc and Robert….Who is your’s?
Eric McKinley, a gay man living in New Jersey, won a recently settled legal battle with online matchmakers eHarmony.com. In 2005, McKinley filed a sexual discrimination lawsuit against the online dating service. It turns out that the $50 a month sevices provided by eHarmony are only available to heterosexualo clients. It also turns out that the company is owned by an evangelical christian conservative.
McKinley’s victory not only got him a $5ooo settlement, it has also legally forced eHarmony to create a gay online dating service if they wante to continue their $165 million a year business. Compatable Partners, eHarmony’s yawn inducingly named new queer dating service, will premier in March of 2009.
The full story is available online from the Pasadena Weekly.
I have to admit that I have some what mixed feeling about this story. I am happy that a company that is clearly anti-queer is getting a legal sucker-punch, but I also think that this lawsuit impedes on the rights of the private sector in a way that is potentially dangerous.
Thoughts?
I remember during the election debates getting the sneaking feeling that Obama maybe didn’t actually love us gay folk. He just didn’t seem to feel any sort of moral outrage about queer rights issues. Of course, when I verbalized this to the rest of Gaycondo, they told me I was crazy.
Now that he has chosen Rick Warren for his Invocation, I feel like all of his speeches in which he mentioned gay rights were simply pandering to the liberals whose vote he knew he would need to win.
I’m not quite ready yet to say “I told you so”, we’ll just have to see what Obama does once he is actually President.
30
Nov
08
Jon: We’re back!
Paul and I had a really fantastic time visiting family in New Orleans for Thanksgiving this past week, but we are happy to be back at Gaycondo. A week of eating fried food, drinking WAY to much, and walking about 500 miles a day has wiped us out. We have a bunch of fun stories and pics to share with you in the coming days, but we had a late flight and are ready to go to bed.
Really quick though, I wanted to share something with you that I saw during a lay-over in Denver when I was at one of the many Hudson News magazine shops there. Someone who had been perusing the racks before me had put a magazine back in the wrong location, creating the following hilarious juxtoposition. I actually started to laugh out loud like a total creep.
31
Oct
08
Jon: It’s true, he does…
Everyone at Gaycondo loves it when people find ways to make the socially and morally retarded members of the Westboro Babtist Church look even more foolish. You may remember this little gem that Beth posted a few months ago. Well, here is another witty example I found over at Buzzfeed.
I first saw the film “All Over Me” when I was 15, and though I wouldn’t say it is my favorite movie of all time, it is most definitely the one that has had the greatest impact on me as a person.
For those of you that haven’t seen it ( and I know all you radical fags and fagettes have), All Over Me tells the story of Claude, a butch-ish 15 year old girl struggling with her queer identity, and her straight best friend Ellen, who is falling into a black hole of drugs and abusive relationships. Claude, of course, is secretly in love with Ellen, and the two navigate this complicated relationship against the backdrop of Hell’s Kitchen, a very bad neighborhood in NYC. There world and relationship is changed forever when they become involved in the murder of a local queer musician.
There is a lot of drama and crying and awkwardness of course, but that is not really what mattered to me when I was fifteen. Luckily, I had great parents and was very well adjusted and okay with my queerness. Very little drama involved. So, it wasn’t the queer storyline that really changed something inside of me.
What changed me forever was the musical exposure that I was given by All Over Me. It was how I discovered Helium, Sleater-Kinney, Geraldine Fibbers, Babes in Toyland, The Amps, and The Murmurs. Finding these bands started me thinking about feminism, politics, queer theory and modern art. They gave me the nudge I needed to discover other bands like Team Dresch and Bratmobile. Basically, the soundtrack to this movie helped me to become a pretty fucking awesome, smart, and confident queer teen. I know that who I am today is the result of a clear trajectory started my queer/feminist/altenative rock music of the mid-nineties.
Here is and idea I had today but will most likely by apethetic about following through on:
ALL OVER ME soundtrack tribute/cover night!
Four bands each cover 3-4 songs off the soundtrack and all the proceeds go to SMYRC (a portland queer youth non-profit). Of course my band Swallows would play. Local lesbo heartthrobs and 90’s rock lover’s Sick Sick Sister would certainly be invited as well… who else?
I feel like a ton of other queer people my age had a similiar experience with this film, so the night would be bound to succeed, especially here in Portland.
If it actually happens, I totally claim the song “Dragon Lady” by The Geraldine Fibbers. Here is the video:
I would love to see Sick Sick Sister perform “Hello” by Babes in Toyland:
If you have any memories of All Over Me I would love to here about them in the comments….
I think I’m in love. I’m not normally so into Top 40 club songs, or really dance music in general, but I just can’t get enough of Sam Sparro’s hit song “Black and Gold”. Plus, how hot is that chick with the electronic drum kit? I wish I had one… Any crazy Gaycondo stalkers wanna buy me one?
Those shoes really are pretty great too….
Part One (Interview)
Part Two (Performance)
I don’t normally get huge crushes on celebrities. Honest to god. But come on! He’s well dressed, talented, and he has a fucking cat named Helen Keller! Give me a break! How can any respectable fag NOT be in love with him?
28
Jul
08
Jon: Crying, over you…
..my favorite scene from one of my favorite films.
I’m sure most of you have seen the film Mulholland Drive by now, but I just wanted to remind you of this scene, featuring what is for me the most effective use of music in any film ever:
The first time I saw David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive was a rather postmodern experience. I was on an official date (the last pre-Paul one I ever had. It’s been 6.5 years now) of movie and a dinner. We were at a small independant theater in western MA, with maybe 5 other strangers. We both ended up breaking down in tears just like the characters.
It was wierd.
And maybe the most visceral movie going moment I have ever had…
This scene is of course the key to understanding the whole (non-linear) film. It has to do with false representions and fantasy and all this other stuff that is impossible to explain if you haven’t seen the movie. Regardless, I think that Rebekah Del Rio’s spanish version of Roy Orbinson’s hit song is not reliant in cinematic context to be a moving piece of art.
To see Roy Orbinson performing the original English version of this song live in 1972, click below….
…I like the campy Batman better! So shut your trap!
With the release of, Dark Knight, the newest film in the long-standing Batman franchise, there has been a lot of talk and comparisons being made in regards to the 90’s films of the same subject matter. While most are in agreement that the first two films (Batman, Batman Returns) are fantastic, almost everyone with a soapbox to preach from has been talking some serious shit about the third (Batman Forever) and fourth (Batman and Robin) films.
What the fuck? I mean, seriously, I love these films… Not everyone wants a serious, dark, brooding Batman. I prefer my caped crusader campy and fabulous! Here are just a couple of the countless reasons why faggy Batman kicks prozacy/gothy/straight Batman’s ass:
1.) Cheesy one liners and choreography:
This video was originally created (most likely by a boring nerdy straight guy) to make a case for why Batman and Robin was the worst movie ever. Apparently this guy has never heard of camp. Just look at those crotch/ass shots and ridiculous oneliners! What is not to love?
2.) Faggy super hero fetish wear anyone?
In case you were not already doing so, I want you to take a good hard look at Chris O’Donnell’s (Robin’s) crotch. Any fag will tell you: that fucker is packing heat. And when it comes to movies, I think crotchy actors is something we can all collectively get behind.
3.) Strong, fashionable, faggette ladies:
Are they queer or just “queer friendly”? Who knows! One thing that is for sure though: these volumized hair having, spandex wearing, ass kicking ladies are a camp lovers wet dream!
In conclusion:
Old Batman is faggy and awesome!
New Batman is boring and hates the gays.
The End.
16
Jul
08
Jon: Best drummer ever…
For casual Gaycondettes (that’s what I’m calling all you readers now…), it may be new information that I am a pretty fucking awesome drummer. Not to toot my own horn too loudly, but yeah, it’s true: I’m pretty bad ass… But no, I am not the most bad ass drummer of all time… That title if officially held by Rachel Carns, drummer of one of my favorite metal bands of all time, The Need.
When I was about 17 years old I stole my parents car and went to New York City to see The Need play at Sarah Lawrence College. It was fucking amazing. In my top ten shows of all time for sure… On the way home I got totally lost, and was driving aimlessly on the New Jersey high way system till 5am. I literally became so tired that I began hallucinating and at one point thought I saw Jesus hovering in the road in front of me. No joke.
Of course, I totally got caught by my parents who then grounded me for two months. But was it worth it?
Fuck Yeah.
Watch this amazing video of Rachel playing the song “Dark Sally” from the Need’s second and last album, aptly titled The Need is Dead, and prepare to have your brain explode.
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