Archive for the 'lesbians' Category

24
Jun
09

Jon: Geez! Camille Paglia is fucking nuts!

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Doesn’t she totally remind you of your high school best friend’s fucked up mom who was totally on prescription mood stabilizers?

21
Mar
09

Programming Note: The girls are gone, mostly…

Em (Keep it on the Brownlowe) and Beth (who hardly ever  posted anyway) have left Gaycondo…

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….in the physical sense that is. As you may or not know, Gaycondo is not only a blog, but a three dimensional real life Condo we all shared as well. The girls have decided to move into their own fancy digs across town, but don’t worry: they will still be regular writers here once they are settled into their new (lesbian) house.

They recently finished moving the last of their things out… but it looks like they accidentally left a few things behind. We took a peek at their former kitchen “junk drawer”. You know the type, everyone has one. Here’s what their’s looks like:

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But what is all that shit???  Let’s take a closer look…

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Apparently the girls have been leading secret alternate lives as tough ass, knife wielding, gambling, motorcylce dykes. Who incidentally also have soft skin and know how to fight off a cold….

CONTENTS. CLOCKWISE FROM UPPER LEFT:

  1. Expired oscillococcinum (it’s like Airborn, but all natural)
  2. cigarette rolling machine
  3. ultra clarity eye-glass cleaner (half used)
  4. strange white powder from Whole Foods (that looks like coke)
  5. “West Coast Choppers” zippo lighter (broken)
  6. shitty Cricket phone (broken)
  7. big-ass knife (dangerous)
  8. one single die (is that singular for dice?)
  9. electric stirrer from Ikea (lazy)
  10. unopened box of seasoned skewers (ten ginger mango and ten coconut lime!)
  11. unopened box of Jack Daniel’s playing cards (made in the USA)
  12. Zand (???)  brand cough drops
  13. Asian pear and red tea body lotion (travel size)
11
Mar
09

Jon: “The Origin of Yr Opinion” by The Gay Decievers…

….Portland’s favorite queer lady duo’s fun new music video!

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I like how this video is mega 90’s. It’s all “we are dancing somewhere random” and then it’s all “here’s some cheap special effects and something that has nothing to do with the song, like egg’s being thrown at a wall” and then it’s all “let’s dance some more!”  and then it’s over. All it is missing is a fish eye lens and something on fire…

Make sure to check out tracks off their new album by heading over to their myspace as well!

22
Feb
09

Jon: I just saw “Twilight” last night….

…and it was bad.

Really really bad.

And is it just me or is every single actor in this movie gay? Especially Kristen Stewart, who you might also remember as the quirky diabetic little gay girl in that marginally ok thriller “Panic Room”….

If I was gay (the other way…) I would totally have a lady boner for her…

Thoughts from the queer ladies in the audience? Leave them in the comments….

ks

16
Feb
09

Jon and Beth: Dreams of “Skinzwear”…

We were drinking some cheap wine and discussing some of our plans for the (hopefully) soon to arrive warm weather. To help in visualizing just how we would be enjoying our upcoming summer beach/river excursions, we decided to look at bathing suits online. We stumbled upon what is maybe the best/worst website ever, skinzwear.com. Basically it is a weird sex clothing store for people with no taste that is masquerading as a “swimwear” shop.

Here are our choices for this summer from the fabulous skinzwear collection. We both decided to stay classy and go with a modest one piece…

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13
Feb
09

Jon: Vacation debate…

…to cruise or not to cruise?

Paul and I don’t get to take vacations too often (once or maybe twice a year) and they are always spent with our families. This is fantastic. We are lucky enough to have families worth spending time with, which is a not common enough situation. However, I have decided that Paul and I must take a vacation just the two of us. In my mind, there are exactly two types of romantic vacations that a couple can take: enriching or relaxing.

Basically: Europe vs. a Cruise.

Though I really want to go to Europe eventually, I feel like the money exchange rate at the moment would not make this a smart choice. Also, if we go overseas I would like to take at least 2-3 weeks off of work, which is not possible for both of us any time soon. A cruise however is both affordable (usually around $800-$1200/person) and short (1 week). Not to mention, stress free. Right now, a cruise is clearly the best choice.

Unfortunately, this dialogue has all been in my head, and when I approached Paul about it he was not to jazzed on the whole cruise thing. Not because he has anything against tropical, non-mentally stimulating relaxation, but more so because cruises force you to be in closed quarters with a bunch of totally lame d.b.’s.

Essentially, we have three types of cruises to choose from, all of which I will detail below. Which should we pick though?

Help us decide by commenting…

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1.) Gay Cruise:

This is obviously the first style of cruise that came to mind for us when we were imagining this type of vacation. I mean, we are totally gay. In real life we mostly hang out with other queer folk anyway, so why not vacation with a bunch of them too?

The problem, as displayed by this retarded picture, is that gay folks on cruises are there to do just that: cruise. I mean, a gay cruise is largely just a gay nightclub on water right? And Paul and I don’t really enjoy hanging out in gay clubs  here in Portland, so why would we want to be trapped in one for a whole week? Not to mention, based on the pictures on gay cruise websites, it would appear that most of the guys we would be surrounded by would not be our type of gay… (ie not from Portland).

The upside of course is that I have an entire collection of inappropriate bathing suits that I never get an excuse to wear, AND I started going to the gym this year, so now I actually look good in them…. *sigh*

 

 

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 2.) Straight Cruise

Hurrumph….

Straight cruise….

Look at these assholes, right? I mean, mostly (especially when you count the middle of the country) straight people are pretty awful… And mostly they really, really, don’t like gay people.

Example: Paul and I recently went on a family vacation to Las Vegas. We had a great time, but totally got stared at and homophobically cat called several times. We also had a terrible anti-queer restaurant experience.  The way I see it, straight cruises are just Las Vegas on water, and Las Vegas is full of boring assholes.

 

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3.) Gay Family Cruise

A friend who I was recently discussing this dilemma with brought up this third option, which hadn’t even occur ed to me before.

Though this style of gay cruise would obviously be a little less scandalous, it would also most likely be a lot less fun. I’m pretty sure that a couple doesn’t have to havechildren to participate, but I’m sure we would be in a small minority. Not to mention we would likely be completely surrounded by screaming 5 year olds at every turn which doesn’t sound particularly relaxing…

Plus, innappropriate bathing nsuits would be completely off the table, and what’s the point of going on a cruise if you can’t wear ridiculous resort wear you would never put on around your friends?

DILEMMA!

THOUGHTS?

24
Jan
09

Jon: Sam Adams “Don’t Resign” rally recap…

Wow! What an amazing rally!

Last night I went to the “don’t resign” rally in support of Portland Mayor Sam Adams, who is currently under attack by the local media for lying about a sexual relationship he had with and 18 year old friend in 2005. There were probably 400-500 people gathered outside city hall last night carrying signs and chanting to show that they are behind Adams getting back to work (a repeatedy shouted mantra throughout the evening). It was really inspiring, especially in light of how one sided the local press has been in making it appear as though everyone in Portland is against Adams. I feel like this was one of the first opportunities that myself and other like minded individuals have had the chance to get a pro-Adams message out there in the press. Luckily, the event was highly publicized and covered by the local media, being aired live on several local TV channels.

I was also absolutely THRILLED to get to meet author and sex advice columnist Dan Savage. He is one of my favorite non-fiction writers, and if you haven’t read any of his books yet your making a big retarded mistake. I had been hoping to get to meet him at the rally, and was shocked that I actually ended up bumping into him at a coffee shop near city hall. Luckily, I was with Andy and Taylor, my good friends over at Digging to China. I was so nervous upon approaching Savage that I became totally mute…. So really, it is not so much that I met Savage. It is more like I froze up and watched as my freinds met him… Anyway, it was still fantastic!

Here is video of Dan Savage speaking followed by some of my pictures from the evening….

Me with my sign:

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Oh my god, it’s me with with one of my favorite writers, the amazing Dan Savage!

And yes, he is just as dreamy up close as he is in his dust jacket photos….

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Gaycondo super friend Nickey Robo posing with the opposite side of my sign

(it says “just” not “tust”):

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Some other signs I liked:

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p.s. Until he announces whether he is resigning or not, I promise to get back to business as usual here at Gaycondo and not write about Adams every day…




Got any good leads?

gaycondo [at] yahoo [dot] com

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