KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: June in Review

Finally the June gloom has passed over Portland and it is summer! Here are my favorite gaycondo moments from June:

Jon: Meet Freddy : Remember how the knome, from the movie Amelie, would send picture postcards to document it’s travels? Similarly, Jon’s grandma had a very cute hobby where she would take pictures of a stuffed bear named Freddy in many situations around the house. If only she was fueled by the evils of capitalism and transformed these images into a best selling coffee table book…

Tragically Unheard Of: Swallows: You love our taste in music, film, fashion, etc….so it only makes sense that you will love the music we make in our band, Swallows. This post details our postmodern method of transforming a song from it’s original context. We use Mama Cass’s hit, “Words Of Love” as an example.

Jon: The Puzzling Art of Kent Rogowski: Wow! This guy must have a lot of creative time on his hands! I betcha one day his artwork will actually be turned into a puzzle you can attempt to put together

Jon: Exile in Guyville’s 15th Anniversary : I seem to be the only one who hasn’t heard EIGV in it’s entirety, however, Jon’s impeccable music taste has drawn me in. This post also includes a mini doc about what a whole bunch of famous rocker guys think about Liz Phair’s monumental record.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Juno, WTF?: Yep, I’ll say it again: Juno fucking sucked!!! (or rather, maybe she should have instead!)

Jon: This Just In, I’m Lazy: June may have been a lazy month at gaycondo, but Jon did manage to find the most amazing thing we have ever seen….LIVE sand animation…. no joke, you will be mesmerized!

Jon: Gummi Lighthouse?: Looks like a gummi you-know-what to me

Paul: Latte Art: Baristas – take note on how to get better tips.

Swallows: Remix Sneak Peak: Take a listen to some down n dirty remixes Y-TRON has done for Jon and Em’s band Swallows!

Jon: Pass This On By The Knife: Jon has finally discovered the Knife! WOO!

Jon: Multimedia artist Nagi Noda’s hair hats: I admit, I am pretty ignorant to most “high fashion” (which I find to be over indulgent and hideous)… however, I had no idea that a hair made from human’s hair, molded to look like an animal’s head could give me such daydream nightmares…

Paul: Friends Don’t Let Friends Read Perez Hilton: Dear readers, we love you because you spend time praising us here at gaycondo instead of following the masses and worshipping Perez… I had no idea that he could be so homophobic towards Lohen + Samantha. (and I had no idea that he sports a pair of guy-normous man tits!)

Jon: Neil Barrett’s Spring 2009 Collection: Some great fashion tips for all the guys/fagettes with style.

Paul: Carl’s Jr Ad…too gay for TV: Paris Hilton, you got one upped by this sexy/comedic commercial for Carl’s Jr… gay is always better, anyhow

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: May in review

May has definitely been an eventful month! Especially for music! I apologize for my lack of participation in this month’s blogging but I have definitely had a blast getting down in real life! Here are my favorites as a gaycondo reader.

GAY CONDO: May in Review!

Paul: Before you saying anything bad about Kirsten Dunst : I’ve always had s soft spot in my heart of cheesy romcoms for Kirsten Dunst. Apparently, her parents saw that she was destined for stardom at an early age. This post features a home video of pre teen Kirsten Dunst being prepped for an interview by her pushy parents…. At the time, she would rather play outside and her parents do seem like one of those “live your dreams through your kids” psychopaths, however, I’m sure Ms. Dunst is sort of thankful that they pushed her up into stardom.

Paul: I wish I had thought of this first: A post about how you can get whatever you want by drawing like a child!

Paul: Jon McCain is an Angry Man: featuring a darling animated music video and a sing-a long perfect for all of those liberal children out there!

Paul: Primary Day: Portland is the first city to have a gay mayor! WOO HOO! and Barack brought down 75,000 people to the Portland Waterfront to support him!

Paul: The Return Of Free Kitten: Kim Gordon’s side project reunites after a million year hiatus! Also features an old school video from 1994 interviewing riot grrrl legends Huggy Bear, Kathleen Hanna, Courtney Love and more about what it is like to be a fierce woman in music!

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Borderline Obsession, The Kills: I finally met my artrock heros and all I could talk about was the weather! Also features live photography and video from their Portland show.

Jon: Patti Smith on Children’s TV circa 1979: Even if she was on something on children’s TV, she is still my role model

Paul: Attn All Portland Lesbians : A haaaarible rumor that Chelsea Clinton would be making a campaign appearance, on behalf of her mother, at Portland’s only lesbian bar, the E Room, was totally false! Paul went anyways.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Best Portland Bands 2008: Every year, local Portland weekly, Willamette Week, does a “Best new Band” poll….We all remember in highschool that the real cool kids never made homecoming queen. See who I picked!

Paul: Pedicab Confessions: Our friend (and sometimes guest blogger) Nickey Robo is MAKING BANK in the spring months by pedaling around drunk, rich baffoons around the club scene of Portland! Read about what these freaks will do for a ride!

Jon: The Pull by Andy Blubaugh: Jon went to the The Portland Documentary and eXperimental Film Festival and found a favorite! This post details two gay men who have a relationship with a definite ending date they had prearranged.

Jon: Fuck Up Your Own Fendi Bag: Just another example of silly trends and how some people are label whores.

Jon: Ikea Sitcom: Months before Guy Ben-ner made it big in the NY Times with his *i guess not so creative* idea to discreetly film a drama inside Ikea, Jon and I were in Ikea and Jon had the same idea!!! If only we had actually filmed it WE would be in the NY Times!!! Let this be a lesson to make dreams come true.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: April in Review

Gaycondo has successfully reached the 4 month period! In the context of romantic relations, the 4 month period is the time when newfound love is slowly tapering from sex every 3 hours to perhaps every other time the couple sees each other. There may be some inner-turmoil between the couple leading them to question the status of their relationship. Fights or hot make up sex may ensue.

In the context of blogging, unlike early stage romantic breakups, we, the writers, have triumphed yet another month proving that spewing the unimportant, extraordinary, creative, hilarious BS can conquer all negative forms of human communication!!!!

From one writer’s perspective here ’tis:

Gaycondo: April in Review

Jon: Searching for Grey Gardens : Jon discovers people are capitalizing on Edith Bouvier Beale, Jackie Onassis’s cousin, who made herself a legend in the 1975 documentary, Grey Gardens. For shame!….and money.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Welcome to the Digital Era : Eff people who think you can’t get passionate/academic if you drop out of college! This is my first essay about how big things ARE currently happening in how we perceive, contribute and discover culture due to advancements in musical/digital technology through the power of the Internet.

Jon: “Magic Johnson” is totally gay… : No, not the superstar who magically lowered his condition of HIV. Instead check out one of our new favorite local bands, Magic Johnson, as they participate in a music video project called The Penny Jam. The location is “The Dollar Scholar” which is not only the best dollar store in Portland but also the place where I purchase my laundry detergent.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Chores…Tragically UnHeard Of: Here at gaycondo we all do Chores. Unfortunately, not the people of the band, Chores, but the actual act of cleaning. Luckily for us, I scored a sweet interview with the band right after they got home from a romp in California. If you’re looking to add a bit of inspiration into your vocabulary to help you get through sweeping the floor, read this post.

Paul: America Has Lost It’s Edge!: This show documents America’s Next Top Model (which globally is becoming ______’s Next Top Model).

Jon: The best “drag” performance I’ve ever seen: Which surprising enough does NOT feature Divine but instead another diva icon in it’s finale.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Bridging the Bering Strait: WTF! Building a bridge across the BERING STRAIT!!! YOU CRAZY!

Jon: We Finally get to see what Kris Van Assche of Dior is up to: Finally I get to read a runway fashion post I actually AGREE WITH!

Beth: Making fun of the homophobic: Beth is kind of like the “Where’s Waldo?” gal of gaycondo. And she hates homophobes.

STUFF QUEER PEOPLE LIKE: Shamelessly ripping off the concept behind “Stuff White People Like”, Jon starts a new project: “Stuff Queer People Like” details shit that actually matters.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: March in Review

Wow! 3 whole months of Gaycondo! As always, every month “Keep It On The Brownlowe” will recap the best straight outta gaycondo.

1. JON: A BLOGGING AFFAIR: In response to the most popular blog on Earth (whom, we won’t mention the name of because A. you probably already know the blog we are speaking of and B. we are bitter because they got offered a book deal AND are 2 weeks younger than Gaycondo) Jon started a genius side-blog called STUFF QUEER PEOPLE LIKE which focuses on gay stereotype satire ranging from female fronted music groups to short shorts to having emotionally unstable middle/high school friends whom often result in a young queer’s first sexual experience (even if said emo-unstable friend is straight and is having a bisexual fling).

2. PAUL: Angelina and Brad Pitt are LIARS: For those of you who are new: Paul is the leading man in gay rights + political issues here on gaycondo. In this post, he condemns Brad / Angelina for getting married after they vowed to with-hold from marriage until all people (ie. fags/queer ladies) were allowed to get married universally. This post spawns the first homophobic comment on the gaycondo blog (which doesn’t really make sense due to OBVIOUS REASONS):

“All of Hollywood is full of shit! No I don’t think gays should marry. When I look though history all societies that have fallen lost all morals. Example the Romans went morally bankrupt when homosexually pedophilia ruled the land. Do I believe that all gays are pedophiles. NO!! But I do believe that all morals in this country are gone!!” -cpacek

Luckly, an anonymous gaycondo-er stands up for queer rights:

“cpacek,
A) you’re an idiot
B) why are you reading this blog if you are such a homophobe?”

fer real….admit that you are living vicariously through some awesome fags!

However, the best part of Paul’s post is that the Brad/Angelina marriage rumor was false!!!!!!!!! He removes them from his toxic shit list.

3. JON: Etro’s fall 2008 menswear collection: Really, REALLY, really effin cute fag/ette wear…however, is it worth $2000 per outfit?

4. KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Tragically UnHeard Of Music Videos: If you like passionate experimental blues or indie-folk-kitsch you will love our musical friends, Agent Ribbons + Kusikia

5. KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Tragically UnHeard Of: MINI LIFE: The TUHO column takes an unexpected twist and examines the musical concept behind MINI LIFE and the digital revolution of music.

6. Guest Blogger NICKEY ROBO: Chunky Pam…not so chunky afterall: Gaycondo is so rad that even our friends who don’t live within the headquarters want to write for us! This post focuses why it is effed up when a pro-fat figure is in reality a creation cultivated by two thin folks!

7. JON: “Sleeve facing” with Gaycondo: We love artistic projects at parties and what better project than the British fad of photographically aligning your body with the cover of a cheesy record?

8. Jon: Apparently you guys really like Joel Mchale without a shirt AS WELL AS trannies It’s true: Most people who randomly stumble upon gaycondo are searching for the Soup’s host, Joel Mchale, bare chested, or a “hot tranny mess”.

9. SWALLOWS: What it is like to be on tour: A split by split moment of what it is like to be on tour with the musicians of Gaycondo!

10. Paul: cheetos make me wanna vomit: terrible food; brilliant commercials.

11. Jon: (WORD OF THE WEEK) How macabre: Jon breaks into the academic world with his post on creepy Victorian brooches (not broaches). This post also includes a hilarious farting video!

12. Paul: Chloe “Don’t Call Me A Model” Sevigny: Besides trans folks, according to Paul, March is definitely the month of Sevigny on gaycondo. Not only does she star in emotionally fucked films and artistic music videos, she also is developing her own fashion line which is influenced by awkward “pattern blocking” and 90’s slacker lifestyles! At least is slapping that tired 80’s nostalgia on the ass!

13. KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Dolly Parton Hoot Nite: How I enlightened myself on one woman’s brilliance!

14. KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Laughing is the new cardio: This yoga video may make you laugh…or haunt you in your nightmares….

15. PAUL: TICKETY TACK TRANNY HOT MESS: How could you NOT fall in lust with key terms “Tranny Hot Mess”?!

16. Em/JON : We’re in a Glossy Magazine!!!: Did you know that 1/2 of gaycondo are pictured in a national queer magazine?

17. JON: Passive Agressive News Stories: Terrible things that happen in this world… This is why it is refreshing to watch clips of truly hilarious conflicts: One neighbor holds another’s prized Jesus statue for ransom until their neighbor cleans up their dogshit!

18. JON: recut trailers: Have you ever imagined what Mary Poppins would look like as a horror story?

19. JON: Celebrities: WITHOUT NECKS!!!!!! EWW!

20. BETH/EM: Mullet Troupe Party Theme: What happens beyond the walls of gaycondo.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: February in Review

YAY! Gaycondo is officially two months old! Let’s celebrate by re-reading my favorite posts of the month:

Jon: Yeah, I’m From Freakin New Jersey: Featuring a video by a thick accented New Jersey couple asking each other ridiculous body-function related question. I am a huge fan of Seinfeldish every day humor (ie. farting, peeing in showers, awkward moments) and loud people who laugh at their own jokes thus making me laugh because the sound of their voice is hilarious.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Amy Winehouse @ Grammys: Not only did she inspired Grammy voters to hand it all over, she also inspires people to make hilarious parodies of her music.

Paul: While We’re on the Subject of Amy Winehouse: Amy Winehouse + Blake = modern versions of Sid + Nancy?! Check out this photographic comparison

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: The Legend of Billie Jean: A true love story on how the gaycondo scooter, Billie Jean, came into our lives…

Em/Beth: Happy V-Day + Our 3 Year Anniversary: Not only is February Gaycondo’s 2 month anniversary, it is also Em/Beth’s 3 year anniversary! Watch our disgusting photo booth video you jaded fucks! You’ll like it!

Jon: Polaroids are AMAZING: Did you know there was a You-Tube-ish website for the aspiring photographer to upload their poloaroids?.

Jon: WOW!!!: This nature photograph will flip your brain inside out!!!

Paul: I Love Chris Crocker But…: Post “Leave Britney ALONE” fame, Paul details why Crocker is a fashion victim and why you shouldn’t EFF with his mother.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Photographic Appeal: See the photographic fruits of my tragically abandoned hobby

Jon: Chin Implants are fucking awesome!!!: You can really tell the difference!

Paul: France Gall + Serge Gainsbourg: How Serge corrupted an 18 year old into being the best young French pop star….

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Tragically Un-Heard Of: ADAM GNADE: Read about the Bob Dylan/Leonard Cohen of our time.

Jon: Searching for the Truth: Jon’s weekly search will truly enlighten you.

KEEPI IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: ThunderAnt!: Carrie Brownstein transforms from rock goddess to comedic heroine!!!

Paul: My Plan to Get Filthy Rich: If only this blog post DIDN’T exist then maybe Paul could milk the money tit off of Hooters!

Jon: Found On Craig’s List: An AD for a gang street gang in LA! “So if you’re tough enough, just email me and we can start our gang. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you look like, as long as you are attractive and have a great body.”

Read the Best

  

of January

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Gaycondo 1 month Anniversary!

New lovers or high school sweethearts celebrate the success of their budding relationship each month. Why should blogging be any different?. Gaycondo celebrates it’s 1 month anniversary today! The blog was the brainchild of Jon’s new year’s resolution. We all decided to hop on the blog bandwagon and have been totally obsessed ever since.

In our one month of existence, we have made over 86 posts, received a small, unexpected feature in our local queer paper, angered a certain conservative talk show host’s entourage and had over 2,000 views from people like YOU! Thanks a ton for your support!

This month has been the longest of my life and I think it is because I am remembering reading / creating all the awesome blog posts on gaycondo.

Here are my picks for the gaycondo: best Jan 2008 posts:
KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Best Music of 2007 : Read, listen, watch the best shows, albums and songs of 2007!

Paul: Best T-Shirt Ever : nuff said

Jon: One Take Umbrella : a dorm full of asian kids + 1 pop song + 1 take video shot = best excuse not to study!

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Cat Power, you are *almost* dead to me Read/hear how great music is made by bad people

Jon: Searching for “postmodern”: Is it pretension or is it art? YOU decide!

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: I love my friends : The first art project created at gaycondo on my birthday

Jon: One Legged Pants : Jon explores the fashion of Hot Topic

Paul: Roseanne vs. Jessica Simpson : Who sings the national anthem better (ahemaroseannehmmph!)

Jon: A deeply buried secret from my past: Ooooh What could it be? Also see a picture of Jon when he was 14!

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: I was cranked! : When sexy text messages get out of hand!

Beth: My short film: Here to Make your face laugh : Beth compares her work to Miranda July!!!

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Consumer Culture Gone Too Far : The world is full of enough crap…not to mention consumer magazine on airplanes

Jon: Are You Jealous : Well you should be! Cause gaycondo is full of awesome gay art (owned by the two fabulous gay men, Jon/Paul)

Jon: Ann Druyan and Carl Sagan’s “Golden Record” : Jon details the power of human love…floating through outer space!!!

Beth: Bringing Ugly Back! : How a beautiful girl can twist her face in awful ways

Jon: Kicking 2007 to the curb : What to wear in 2008 and what to give to Goodwill

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Tragically Un-Heard Of: save the music by listening

PauL: Busby Berkeley is amazing : Whoa, psychedelic synchronized swimming!

Jon: searching for “before and after” : Apparently, many people also search for “Before and After” as this post has received the most searched click hits! It also features an incredible video of a narcissist documenting his daily existence with a single photograph a day for 8 years.

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Girls In Briefs : Still waiting for those photographs, ladies…

Jon: Fireworks Short films by Kenneth Anger = super queer, dreamy, sailor-esque from the 1940’s!

Paul: What’s Next For Kendra Wilkinson : A lawsuit waiting to happen!

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Does Laughing Make Me a Bad Person : Do not watch if you are child services, a mother, have no sense of humor, have heart problems that can be increased by laughing

Two Lesbians on the Prowl for the Perfect Fish Taco : The hot and crispy kind